imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

f o r t y - s i x

(a/n: hello everyone! i do not do author's notes very often so i thought i'd just check in. this book is almost at 100 reads, thank you! although this book is mostly in kiera cass's words, it has taken quite a while to translate everything over, shift details and names so they fit. obviously, katniss and peeta are a bit ooc in this story, but i tried my best to keep it close to the selection's characters (america and max) while also keeping katniss and peeta's personalities in tact. i understand that katniss is a bit less... katniss in this story, but do remember that the games do not exist in this panem, so she's pa bit less tightly wound. i do hope you are all enjoying this story so far, we are about halfway through, so if you enjoy long stories, this one is for you! who are you guys shipping? obviously this is an everlark story, but sometimes people root for the opposite side, its understandable. and i know that there is a lot of everthorne in this story, but everlark will be happening, i promise! if you have read the selection books, you'd know america and max had a lot of problems before they ended up together. katniss is almost annoyingly indecisive in this story, but hey, it needs a plot! (but don't worry, everlark is coming!)

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"Hello?" I whisper, following the instructions Gale had left me the day before. I cautiously walk into a room lit only by the fading daylight spilling in through the gossamer curtains, but it's enough for me to see the excitement on Gale's face.

I close the door behind me, and he immediately runs over and scoops me up. "I've missed you."

"I missed you, too. I was so busy with the reception, I barely had time to breathe."

"Glad it's over. Did you have a hard time getting over here?" he jokes.

I giggle. "Seriously, Gale, you're way too good at your job." It's almost comical how simple his idea was. The queen made dinner an option: in your room or downstairs. My maids prepped me for the meal, but instead of heading to the dining room, I walked across the hall to Cashmere's old room. Easy.

He smiles as he takes in my praise and sits me down in the back corner of the room on some pillows he'd set up. "Are you comfortable?"

I nod and expect him to sit too, but he doesn't. Instead he pushes over a large couch, which blocks the door from sight, and then pulls in a table that brushes the top of our heads as we sit on the floor. Finally he grabs a bundle he'd left on top of the table- it smells like food- and settles next to me.

"Almost like home, huh?" He moves behind me so I sit between his legs. The familiar position and darkness reminds me of the cramped rock at midnight in the woods. It's like he's taken a piece of something I thought was gone forever and placed it in my hands.

"It's even better." I sigh leaning in to him. After a minute I feel his fingers comb down my hair. It gives me shivers.

For a while we sit there in silence, and I close my eyes and focus on the sound of Gale's breathing. Not so long ago, I'd done the same thing with Peeta. But this is different. If I had to, I think I can pick up Gale's breathing out of a crowd. I know him so well. And, clearly, he knows me. This tiny bit of peace is everything I've been aching for, and Gale makes it real.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Lots of things," I sigh. "Home, you, Peeta, the Selection, everything."

"What are you thinking about all of it?"

"Mostly how confused I get about them. Like how I'll think I understand what's happening to me, then something shifts and my feelings change."

Gale's quiet for a moment, then his voice sounds pained when he asks, "Do your feelings about me change a lot?"

"No!" I say, pushing myself closer to him. "If anything, you're the one constant. I know that if everything turns upside down, you'll still be here, in the exact same place. Everything gets so crazy that my love for you always gets pushed to the background, but I know it's always there. Does that make sense?"

"It does. I know I make this whole thing more complicated than it already is. I'm glad to know I'm not completely out of the running though."

"I haven't forgotten about us."

"Sometimes I feel like Peeta and I are in our own version of the Selection. It's just him and me, and one of us will get you in the end; and I can't decide who's worse off. Peeta doesn't exactly know we're competing, so he might not be able to try as hard. But then, I have to hide, so it's not really like I can give you everything he can. It's not really a fair fight either way."

"You shouldn't think about it that way."

"I don't know how else to see it."

I exhale. "Let's not talk about that."

"All right. I don't like talking about him anyway. What about all the other stuff you're confused about? What's going on?"

"Do you like being a soldier?" I ask, turning towards him.

He nods enthusiastically as he reaches down and opens the food. "I love it. I thought I'd hate every minute, but it's fantastic." He pops a chunk of bread into his mouth and keeps talking. "I mean, there's the obvious stuff, like I'm always being fed, and plus, they want us to be big so we have plenty of good food. I even get an allowance. I have everything I need, but I still get money." He stops for a moment, toying with an orange slice. "It's amazing sending money home. I feel so content with everything. I like the discipline of it and the routine. I like knowing that I'm doing something helpful and necessary."

"So that's a big yes? You love it?"

"Completely."

"But you don't like Peeta. And I know you don't like the way Panem is run. We used to talk about it back home, and then that whole thing with people being pushed down districts. I know that bothers you, too."

He nods. "I think it's cruel."

"Then how are you okay with protecting it? You fight against the rebels to keep the king, queen, and Peeta safe, the ones who run it all. I mean, I have this feeling though. I think Peeta would change so much if he could. But, anyways, how do you love your job?"

He chews as he thinks. "I don't know. I guess it doesn't make sense, but . . . okay, like I said, there's the sense of purpose. And feeling challenged and engaged, the ability to do something more with my life. Maybe Panem isn't perfect, in fact, it's far from it. But . . . I have hope," he says simply. We're quiet for a moment. "We're a mess, aren't we?"

"A big one."

"Sometimes I feel like we're a knot, too tangled to be taken apart."

I nod. "It's true. So much of me is tied up in you. I feel kind of lost with out you."

Gale pulls me close. "We'll just have to stay tangled then." He kisses me gently, like, if he pushed too hard the moment might shatter. Slowly, he lowers me to the mattress of pillows, holding onto me, training me curves as he kisses me on and on.

Too soon it's time to leaves, and Gale walks me to the door, leaving me a lingering kiss before I head off to my room.

My maids prep me for bed, and I go through it in a daze. It used to feel like the Selection was one choice: Peeta or Gale. And as if that were some decision my heart could make simply, it grew into so many more things.

Twelve or the Capitol?

Officer's wife or a king's?

Slide quietly in the background, or face the spotlight I've always loathed?

Can I happily do either?

Can I not hate whoever Peeta ends up with if I choose Gale?

Can I not hate whoever Gale chooses if I stay with Peeta?

As I get into bed and turn out the light, I remind myself that it's my decision to be here. Which is so truly insane to me. The fact that I can actually enjoy this life, one I wanted nothing to do with when I was in Twelve. Gale may have asked, and my mother may have pushed, but no one had forced me to fill out that form.

Whatever is coming, I just have to face it. I have to.