imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

t w e n t y - n i n e

"I'm hopeless!" Clove complains.

"No, no, you're doing great," I lie.

I've been giving Clove piano lessons nearly everyday for more than a week, and it genuinely sounds like she's getting worse. I was thinking that maybe since the piano came to me so easily, it would be the same for her. Boy, was I wrong. For goodness' sake, we're still working on scales. She hits another sour note, and I can't help but wince.

"Oh, look at your face!" she exclaims. "I'm terrible. I might as well be playing with my elbows."

"We should try that. Maybe your elbows are more accurate."

She sighs. "I give up. Sorry, Katniss, you've been so patient, but I hate hearing myself play. It sounds like the piano is sick."

"More like it's dying, actually."

Clove collapses into laughter, and I join her. Little had I known that when she'd asked for piano lessons, I'd been in for such a painful- but hilarious- torture.

"Maybe you'd be better at singing? I have a microphone," I offer.

"I don't think so. I don't really want the whole hall to hear my drastic voice anyways. I can sing simple songs, sure, but with my luck, I'd probably break your microphone." Clove rises and goes over to my little table, where the papers we're supposed to be reading are pushed to the side, and my sweet maids have left tea and cookies for us.

"Oh, well, that's fine. The one here belongs to the palace anyways. You can throw it at Glimmer's head if you want."

"Don't tempt me," she says, pouring us both some tea. "I'm so going to miss you, Katniss. I don't know what I'll do when we don't get to see each other every day."

"Well, Peeta's very indecisive, so you don't have to worry about that just yet."

"I don't know," she says, turning serious. "He hasn't come right out and said it, but I know that I'm here because the public likes me. With the majority of the girls gone, it won't be long before their opinions change and they have a new favorite, then he'll let me go."

I'm careful with my words, hoping she'd explain the reason for the distance she'd put between the two of them but not wanting her to shut down on me again. "Are you okay with that? With not getting Peeta, I mean?"

She gives a small shrug. "He's just not the one. I'm fine with being out of the competition, but I really don't want to leave," she clarifies. "Besides, I wouldn't want to end up with a man who's in love with someone else."

I sit bold upright. "Who is he-"

The look in Clove's eyes is triumphant, and the smile hiding behind her cup of tea says, Gotcha!

She had.

In a split second, I realize that the thought of Peeta being in love with someone else makes me so jealous I can't stand it. And the moment after that- the understanding that she means me- is infinitely reassuring.

I'd put up wall after wall, making jokes at Peeta's expense and talking up the merits of the other girls; but in a single sentence, she finds her way behind all that.

"Why haven't you ended this, Katniss?" she asks sweetly. "You know he loves you."

"He never said that," I promise, and that's true.

"Of course he hasn't," she says, as if this is obvious. "He's trying so hard to catch you, and every time he gets close you push him away. Why would you do that?"

Can I tell her? Can I tell her that while my feelings for Peeta go deep- deeper than I knew, apparently- that there's someone else I just can't let go of?

"I'm just . . . not sure, I guess." I trust Clove; I really do. But it's safer for us both if she doesn't know.

She nods. It looks like she can tell there's more than that, but she doesn't press me. It's almost comforting, the mutual acceptance of our secrets.

"Find a way to be sure. Soon. Just because he's not the one for me doesn't mean Peeta's not a great guy. I'd hate for you to lose him because you were afraid." She's right again. I am afraid. Afraid that Peeta's feelings aren't as genuine as they seem, afraid of what being a princess might mean for me, afraid of losing Gale. "On a lighter note," she says, setting down her cup of tea, "all that talk about weddings yesterday made me think of something."

"Yes?"

"Would you want to, you know, be my maid of honor? If I get married some day?"

"Oh, Clove, of course I would! Would you be mine?" I reach to grab her hands, and she takes them happily. Knowing that Clove likes me enough to ask me to be her maid of honor makes me feel so excited. Excited to have a friend, a real one.

"But you have Prim; won't she mind?"

"She'll understand. Please?" Prim actually may not understand, but in the moment, the thought doesn't bother me.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't want to miss your wedding for the world!" Her tone implies that my wedding will be the event of the century, even though I don't even want a big wedding.

-

Tonight, I'm hoping to spend some more time with Peeta. Clove has me questioning my actions. And thoughts. And feelings.

After dinner, as we stand to leave the Dining Room, I catch Peeta's eyes and tug my ear. It's our secret sign to ask for time together, and it's rare to pass up an invitation. But tonight, Peeta's expression is disappointed as he mouths the word "work" to me. I give him a mock pout and a tiny wave before leaving for the night.

Maybe its for the best. I need to think on some things where Peeta is concerned.

When I round the corner, Gale is there, standing guard. He looks me up and down, taking in the snug green dress that does amazing things for the few curves I have. Without a word, I walk past him. Before I can turn the handle on my door, he gently grazes the skin on my arm.

It's slow but brief, and in those few seconds I feel that sense of need, longing that Gale tends to inspire in me.

I move into my room as quickly as I can, tortured by our connection. Thank goodness I barely have any time to think about Gale, because the moment the door shuts, my maids swarm around me, preparing me for bed. As they chat away and brush my hair, I try to let myself forget about everything for a moment.

It's impossible. I need to choose. Gale or Peeta.

But how am I supposed to decide between two good possibilities? How can I make a choice that will leave some part of me devastated either way? I feel stupid, getting so frustrated over two boys. I comfort myself with the thought that I still have time.

I still have time. I still have time.