imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

t w e n t y - f i v e

I feel a nudge on my arm. It's dark and either very late or very early. For a fraction of a second, I think that there's been yet another attack. Then I know I'm wrong because of the single word used to wake me.

"Katniss?"

My back is to Gale, and I take a moment to steady myself before I face him. In my head, I know that there are things that need to be set right between us. I hope my heart will let me say them.

I roll over and catch Gale's gray eyes and know this will be difficult. Then I notice that he left the door to my room open.

"Gale, are you crazy?" I whisper. "Close the door."

"No, I've thought this one out. With the door open, I can tell anyone who comes by that I heard a noise and was checking on you, which is my job. No one would suspect a thing."

It's simple and brilliant. I nod my head in understanding. "Okay."

I turn on the small lamp on my bedside table to make it clear to any passerby that we aren't hiding anything. I notice that my clock says it's past three in the morning.

Gale is obviously pleased with himself. His smile, the same one he would use to greet me in the treehouse, is wide.

"You kept it," he says.

"Huh?"

Gale points down to my bedside table, where the jar sits with its lone penny. "Yeah," I say. "I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it." His expression grows more and more hopeful. He turns to look at the door, as if checking quickly that no one is there. Then he bends down to kiss me. "No," I say quietly, pulling away. "You can't do that."

The look in his eyes wars between confusion and sadness, and I fear everything I'm about to say will make things worse.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," I say adamantly. "You've been wonderful. I've been so happy to see you again and to know that you still love me. It changed everything."

He smiles. "Good. Because I do love you, and I'm planning on making sure you never have a reason to doubt it."

I squirm. "Gale, whatever we were, or are right now, we can't be that here."

"What do you mean?" he asks, shifting his weight.

"I'm part of the Selection right now. I'm here for Peeta, and I can't date you or whatever this is while it's going on." I begin to fidget with my comforter.

He thinks for a moment. "So were you lying to me? When you said you never stopped loving me?"

"No," I assure him. "You've been in my heart the whole time. You're the reason things have been going as slow as they are. Peeta likes me, but I can't let myself really care about him because of you."

"Well, great," he says sarcastically. "Glad to know you'd been fine dating him if I wasn't around."

Underneath the anger, I can see he's heartbroken, but it's not my fault it turned out this way.

"Gale?" I ask quietly, getting hime to look at me. "When you left me at the rock, you crushed me."

"Katniss, I said I-"

"Let me finish." He huffs, then is silent. "The only reason I'm here is because you insisted I sign up." He shakes his head, irritated by the truth. "I've been trying to put myself back together, and Peeta really cares about me. You mean so much to me, you know you do. But I'm part of this now, and I'd be stupid to not let myself see what happens."

"So you're choosing him over me?" he asks miserably.

"No, I'm not choosing him or you. I'm choosing me."

That's the truth at the core of everything. I don't know what I want yet, and I can't let myself be swayed by what's easy or what someone else thinks is right. I have to give myself time to decide what's best for me. Katniss Everdeen will not be swung this way or that by two men.

Gale mulls this over for a moment, still not happy with what I'm saying. Finally he smiles. "You know I'm not giving up, right?" His tone is an obvious challenge, and I grin in spite of myself. It's true that Gale isn't the type to admit defeat.

"This really isn't a good place to try to fight for me. Your determination is a dangerous trait here."

"I'm not afraid of that suit," he scoffs. I roll my eyes, amused at being on this end of the relationship. I'd always been worried about someone stealing Gale. I feel guilty at how refreshing it is to see him worried about someone stealing me for a change. "Okay. You said you didn't love him . . . but you must like him to be willing to stay, right?"

I duck my head. "I do," I say with a tiny nod. "He's more than I ever imagined."

He considers this for a moment, soaking it in.

"I guess that means I'll have to fight harder than I thought," he says, heading for the hall. Then he turns and gives me another wink. "Goodnight, Lady Katniss."

"Goodnight, Officer Hawthorne."

The door clicks shut, and the sense of peace is overwhelming. Since the Selection has started, I'd been worrying that it was something that was going to ruin my life. But in this moment, I can't think of a time that feels more right.

Too soon, my maids bustle in. Tig pulls back the curtains, and as the light falls on me, it feels like this is truly my first day at the palace.

The Selection is no longer something that is simply happening to me, but something I'm actively apart of. I'm an Elite. I pull back the covers and leap into the morning.

End Of Part One: The Selection