imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

f i f t y - n i n e

I walk into the Women's Room, thoughts focused on Peeta's new plan. The girls are all laughing in a clump by the windows.

"Katniss, come here!" Delly says urgently. Even Glimmer turns back smiling, waving me over.

I'm a little uneasy about what might be waiting for me, but I walk into the huddle anyway. "Wow," I say.

"I know!" Glimmer sighs

There, running laps in the garden without their shirts on, are half of the guards in the palace. Gale had told me that all guards get injections to help keep them strong, but apparently they also do a lot of work to keep their bodies in peak condition.

"The guy right there!" Delly says, pointing towards one of them.

"I like him," Esim says quietly as another guard runs past our window.

Delly giggles. "I can't believe we're doing this!"

"Oh, oh! That guy, right there, gray eyes," Glimmer says, pointing to Gale.

Delly sighs. "I danced with him at Halloween, and he's as funny as he is good looking."

"I danced with him, too," Glimmer brags. "Easily the most gorgeous guard in the palace."

I have to laugh a little. I wonder how she would feel if she found out he's from Twelve.

I watch him run and think about the hundreds of times those arms had embraced me. The distance growing between Gale and me feels unavoidable, but even now I have to wonder if there's way to keep some piece of what we had. What if I need him?

"What about you, Katniss?" Delly asks.

The one who really catches my eye is Gale, and after feeling that ache for him, this feels kind of stupid. Boy obsessed girls again, the type of girl I promised myself I wouldn't become. I dodge the question.

"I don't know. They're all kind of nice."

"Kind of nice?" Glimmer echoes. "You have to be kidding! These are some of the best-looking guys I've ever seen."

"It's only a bunch of boys without their shirts on," I counter.

"Yeah, why don't you enjoy it for a minute before it's just the three of us you have to look at," she says simply.

"Whatever. Peeta looks just as good without his shirt on as any of those guys."

"What?" Delly shrieks.

A second after the words slip out of my mouth, I realize what I've said. Three sets of eyes focus in on me.

"Where were you and Peeta topless, exactly?" Glimmer demands.

"I wasn't!"

"But he was?" Delly asks. "Was that what the god-awful dress was about yesterday?"

Glimmer gasps. "You slut!"

"Excuse me!" I yell.

"Well, what else would you expect?" she snaps, crossing her arms. "Unless you want to tell us all what happened and why we're so wrong."

But there's no way to explain this. Undressing Peeta wasn't exactly a romantic moment, but I can't tell them I had been tending to his wounds on his back specifically delivered by his mother. He's spent his life guarding this secret. If I betray him now, it will be the end of us

"Glimmer was half-naked up against him in a hallway!" I accuse, pointing a finger at her.

Her mouth pops open. "How did you know?"

"Has everyone been getting naked with Peeta?" Esim asks, horrified.

"We weren't naked!" I shout.

"Okay," Delly says, putting out her arms. "We need to clear this up. Who who has done what with Peeta?"

Everyone is quiet for a moment, not wanting to speak up.

"I've kissed him," Esim says. "Three times, but that's it."

"I haven't kissed him at all," Delly confesses. "But that's by my own choosing. He would kiss me if I'd let him."

"Really? Not once?" Glimmer asks, shocked.

"Not once."

"Well, I've kissed him plenty." Glimmer flips her hair, deciding to be proud instead of embarrassed. "The best was in the hallway one night." She eyes me. "We kept whispering about how exciting it was that we might get caught."

Finally all eyes are on me. I think of the queen's words, suggesting that maybe the other girls are being much more promiscuous than I'm prepared to be. But now I know that it was just another weapon of hers, to make me feel insignificant. I come clean.

"I was Peeta's first kiss, not Rakel. I didn't want anyone to know. And we've had a few . . . more intimate moments, and one of those times Peeta's shirt came off."

"Came off? Like it magically flew over his head?" Glimmer presses.

"He took it off," I admit.

Not satisfied, Glimmer pushes on. "He took it off or you took it off."

"I guess we both did."

After a charged moment, Delly starts again. "Okay, so now we all no where we stand."

"And where is that?" Esim asks.

No one answers.

"I just want to say . . . ," I start. "All of those moments were really important to me, and I care about Peeta."

"Are you implying that we don't?" Glimmer barks.

"I know that you don't."

"How dare you?"

"Glimmer, it's no secret that you want someone with power. I'm willing to bet you like Peeta well enough, but you're not in love with him. You're shooting for the crown."

Without denying it, she turns on Esim. "What about this one? I've never seen a speck of emotion out of you!"

"I'm reserved. You should try it some time," Esim fires back quickly. Seeing a spark of anger in Esim makes me like her more. "In my family, all of the marriages are arranged. I knew what was coming for me, and that's all this is. I may not be head over heels for Peeta, but I respect him. Love can come later."

Sympathetically, Delly speaks. "That actually sounds kind of sad, Esim."

"It's not. There are bigger things than love."

We stare at Esim, her words echoing. I fight for my family out of love, and for Gale, too. And now, though it scares me to think it, I'm sure that all my actions where Peeta is concerned- even when they are hopelessly stupid- are driven by that feeling. Still, what if there is something more important here than that?

"Well, I'll say it: I love him," Delly blurts. "I love him, and I want him to marry me."

Snapped back into the discussion at hand, I ache to melt into the carpet. What have I started?

"All right, Katniss, fess up," Glimmer demands.

I freeze, breathing shallowly. It takes me a moment to find the right words.

"Peeta knows how I feel, and that's all that matters."

She rolls her eyes at my answer but doesn't press any further. No doubt she's worried I will do the same to her if she does.

We stand there, looking at one another. The Selection has been going on for months, and now we can finally see the real lines of competition. We've all gotten a peek into everyone else's relationship with Peeta- at least one aspect of it- and can look at them side by side.

Moments later, we all retreat into corners by ourselves. Maybe it was supposed to come to this. There are four girls, and one prince, and three of us will be leaving soon with little more than an interesting story of how we spent our fall.