imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

f o r t y - n i n e

"Private lessons?" Effie asks. "As in, several a week?"

"Absolutely," I reply.

For the first time since I've arrived, I'm truly grateful for Effie. I know that there is no way she'd be able to resist having someone willing to hang on her every word; and if she's making me do extra work, it means I can keep myself busy.

I'd much rather do something like hunt to distract myself, but that's obviously not an option.

Thinking about Peeta and Gale and the girls are too much right now.

Effie looks at me, slightly stunned, before she breaks into a huge smile. Embracing me, she cries out, "Oh, this will be wonderful. Finally one of you understands how important this is!" She holds me at arm's length. "When do you want to start?"

"Now?"

She bursts with delight. "Let me go get some books!"

I dive into her studies, grateful for the words and facts and statistics she crams into my head. If I'm not with her, I'm in the Women's Room reading up on something she'd assigned me as I tune out the other girls.

I work, and am excited for the next time the five of us have a joint class.

When that time comes, Effie asks us what we're passionate about. I scribble down family, music, and almost write hunting but decided against it, and then write the one word that demands to be said, justice.

"The reason I ask is because you all will be coming up with a program to present on the Report in two weeks time, and you'll be asked how you might start it. It should be something helpful to the country."

Nina makes a little squeaking sound, and Glimmer rolls her eyes. Delly looks like she's already dreaming something up. Her instant enthusiasm makes me nervous.

I remember Peeta talking about an upcoming elimination. I feel like Delly and I are at a slight advantage, but still.

"Is this really helpful?" Glimmer asks. "I'd rather learn about something we'll actually use." I can tell that beneath her concerned tone, she's either bored with this idea already or intimidated by it.

Effie looks appalled. "You will use this! If you become the next princess, you could make this happen!"

Glimmer mutters something under her breath and starts fiddling with a pen. I hate that she wants the position with none of the responsibility.

I'd make a better princess than she would, I think. And in that moment I realize there is some truth to that. I don't have her connections or Delly's poise, but at least I care. Isn't that worth something?

For the first time in a while, I feel a true shot of enthusiasm course through me. Here's a project that will allow me to show off the one thing that separates me from the others. I'm determined to pour myself into this and hopefully produce something that might genuinely make a difference. Maybe I'll still lose in the long run; maybe I won't even want to win. But I will be as close to a princess as I possibly can, and will make peace with the Selection.

-

It's hopeless. Try as I may, I can't come up with a single idea for my project. I think and read, and think some more. I ask my maids, but they have no ideas. I would sought out Gale, but I haven't heard from him in days,

What's worse is that Delly is clearly deep into her presentation. She's skipped hours of time in the Women's Room to go read; and when she is present, she has her nose in a book or is scribbling notes furiously.

Damn.

When Friday comes, I feel like dying as I suddenly realize I only have a week left and no prospects on the horizon. During the Report, Caeser sets up the structure for the next show, explaining that there will be a few brief announcements and then the rest of the evening will be dedicated to our presentations.