An Atom Of Life

What Just Happened?

The door bell rang.

“Must be the pizza delivery guy.” – Joey assumed

I got up and opened the door; it really was the pizza delivery guy. I took the pizza and paid him and then closed the door.

“Here you go; one pizza.” – I said

Joey smiled and picked up a slice and so did I, we started eating.

“Wanna watch a movie?” – She asked suddenly

“Sure, have you got any good movies?” – I said

“As a matter of fact, I do.” – She winked           

Just as she winked I again felt something in my heart, just like before when she smiled. But again I ignored it. She told me where the CD’s were and I brought all the CD’s she had. And started shuffling through the CD’s, she had Batman, The final destination, Titanic, Superman, X - men (I smiled while looking)

“Why are you smiling?” – She asked

“Nothing.” – I replied in a humorous manner

She looked at me and then looked at the superhero movies I was holding and then she smiled too.

“I love super hero movies.” – She said while smiling

I smiled and continued searching, finally something worth watching. Gladiator. I held it out signaling her that I wanted to see this and wanted her approval, she nodded and I put the CD in the player and the movie started.

“You know I like this movie so much.” – She said

“Me too.” – I replied

I was sitting on the floor while she was lying on the couch. We watched quietly for some time then she spoke,

“You know the couch is big enough to hold two people, you can come up.”

Now I was confused, what was this girl doing? A minute she is joking and the next she is asking me to sit with her on the couch.

“No, I am pretty comfortable here.” – I replied without looking at her because I knew if I look at her, her pleading eyes will convince me.

“Why are you always on guard?” – She asked

“No particular reason.” – I replied

I was not about to disclose my secrets to a complete stranger. But for the last few hours she didn’t feel at all like a stranger. I was feeling comfortable with her, which I had not felt with someone in a long time.

“You are hiding something.” – She said

I looked up at her, but this time there were no pleading eyes. Instead there was a curiosity in her eyes, like she wanted to know about me. But I couldn’t tell her, I opened myself to a girl and where did it took me? No I have spent years trying to bury my past, I will not dig it.

“None that concern you.” – I said in a cold voice

Her eyes opened wide in shock at my statement. I looked at her and knew that I had crossed a certain line; so I said,

“I am sorry, that came a little harsh. But I don’t wanna walk down the memory lane, hope you understand.”

She looked at me with an ‘I understand’ look and nodded. There was some minutes silence and then I continued my attention towards the movie, then she spoke suddenly,

“You know you are not the only one with a painful past.”

I was shocked; I turned my face towards her and said,

“What makes you think I have a painful past?”

“Your eyes.” – She replied

What kind of answer was that? I just stared at her in confusion, I think she saw the confusion on my face and said,

“I remember the first time I met you. When you turned back I saw your eyes and they looked painful. So I assumed you had something bothering you and today when you said you didn’t want to go down the memory lane, so I knew that you have a painful past that you can’t get rid of.”

Just who this girl was? How can she know my pain just by seeing into my eyes?

“You know when I said that you are not the only one with painful past, I meant that I also have a painful past and one can’t get rid of those painful memories so easily.” – She added

I don’t know what got into me but at that time I stood up and sat beside her on the couch in such a way that her head was beside me. I patted my lap signaling her that she could rest her head on my lap and she dragged herself up a little and rested her head on my lap.

We both had forgotten about the movie at that instant, she was looking directly into my eyes and I into hers. There was a part of me that wanted to hold her and kiss her but my past prevented me to do that, and then I pulled out my gaze and looked to the left. I had to control that feeling; no I can’t let myself drown in passion once again. No, not again. Finally she spoke,

 “My past had put me in a situation in which I was never able to trust anyone again; I was trapped inside a cage. I stopped socializing and just minded my own business, but meeting you has been amazing. You seem like the person who could understand me. For the first time in years I want to break that cage and be free, I want to be with you but my past still prevents me from doing that.”

I turned my gaze back towards her; she also had a past which was making her feel the same way as me. At that moment I told myself that I should also tell the truth about my feelings towards her to her.

“My past had also put me in a situation where I didn’t trust girls. According to me they were the source of every trouble but after meeting with you, my faith in it has been crumbling and I also want to be with you but my past also prevents me.” – I let it all out finally

She looked at me and smiled, I also smiled back. I patted her head and then she cuddled in my lap and fell asleep.