Pending

Chapter 5

"I'm shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts"
I remember it like yesterday. The week had started out with me going to my favorite uncle's funeral and she saying the night before that she wanted to take a break. Those four words "let's take a break".
She had done that with him so I realized it as only a matter of time till she did it to me. During that fateful week i was catapulted back into depression nearing rock bottom.
Then the weekend came. The time where you should be happy because you have been given some freedom from school, but not for me, not this time.
It was Saturday evening around seven thirty and I decided I would see what's up. Instantly as she replied I knew that it was bound to happen.
So said, so done and when she said it that was the final blow. I put my phone down and embraced the pain. I lashed out. I drank and ran I did everything that I could to forget her, every fucking thing.

Nothing worked and eventually I found myself on my roof watching sunrises and counting stars. One morning while I was on the roof,slightly sober and the sun rising slowly with the warmth of its rays embracing my skin, I began to think. What would have happened if I hadn't liked her or what would happen if I had embraced this breakup differently. Many different scenarios went through my head but I was stuck with the one I had endured.

She hurt me more than anyone ever had and I was stuck with that constant feeling to be whole again.

I recovered. Is that what you want to hear? Will that ease the guilt you feel? Or does it make you feel better anytime you tell me you're sorry for the shit you put me through mentally and physically, and would i forgive you? Yes I would.
But would i be whole again?

"The world may never know"