You & I || H.S.

Chapter 39

“I need you to hold me close to you,

But I wake up to the hurtful truth; you’re not here.”

 

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Annabeth's P.O.V. 

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I realize just how horrible I’ve been looking like.

Dark bags under my eyes, face pale, lips dry, hair unruly, and body weak and thin. Whenever I’m out walking on the streets or anywhere outside my now vacant home, people shoot me horrified looks. They’re probably thinking who let the zombies unleashed. I think even the zombies would run away in fright if they saw me.

Come to think about it, I have nothing to look descent for. My parents, my sister, my love and my heart are now gone, I’m empty. The rope I’ve been clinging to in order not to fall, Josh, is gone. And now, I’m falling hard on the ground…

My life the last couple months has been dull, lifeless. Nothing interesting happens. I quit my job because I know that after the incident, I won’t be able to concentrate on anything, let alone treating a patient. I think that if I ever got to look at the face of a man between life and death, I’ll instantly remember Josh and break down, and I don’t want to break down in front of the whole crew.

Now my days are boring and meaningless. I do the same things everyday; wake up, maybe shower, eat, cry, stare at my ceiling, cry, remember Josh and our moments together, cry, decline a call from one of my friends, eat, cry myself to sleep, have endless nightmares of the incident, wake up in the middle of the night and not sleep till the morning. Repeat all of the previous.

There’s a hole in my heart since the day he died, a hole I can’t fix. Every time I try to forget, that hole grows only wider, always forcing me to remember. It’s hard to breathe with that ache and that hole, hard to breathe with that weight pressing on my chest, and hard to breathe without Josh.

Without him, I feel like suffocating. Sometimes, I get asthma attacks and feel like dying, but I soon recover after inhaling couple times. I wish I would die, though. I wish I would die and join him in heaven. I know he’s in heaven; how could someone as angelic as him be anywhere else. I’m not sure if I’d go to heaven myself, though.

My thoughts were interrupted with the vibration of my phone on the drawer. After grabbing it and looking at the caller ID, I answered it quickly.

“Beth? Where are you?” I heard Stephanie speak from the other line. Well, I thought it was El calling me because that was what’s written on the caller ID, how is it Stephanie speaking then?

“Stephanie?” I asked, furrowing my brows together.

“Who else, Obama?” I had the urge to roll my eyes but I wasn’t in the mood nor had the energy. “Where the fuck are you?”

“Home,” I spoke numbly. “Where else, the white house?”

“Don’t play sarcastic with me now!” She yelled from the other line and I was starting to get furious as to why she was angry. After all, she’s the one who called me. “Annabeth, we’re coming to you.”