You & I || H.S.

Chapter 41

Annabeth’s P.O.V.

I felt an unbearable pain course through my head then quickly fluttered my eyes open, only to give the pain more access. I groaned then felt something soft under me. I averted my gaze underneath me and gasped loudly when I saw him lying under my head. The position we were in frightened me and caused me to widen my eyes; my head was on top of his bare torso and his arms were draped around my waist which caused shivers to run down my spine.

I quickly jolted up from my weird and embarrassing position then got out of my bed, thankful to know that my dress is still on. Panic of what happened yesterday washed all over me and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I hated the state I was in, uncertain and not knowing what happened yesterday because of my drunken state but waking up to he lying underneath me with his arms draped around my waist.

I watched as his eyes fluttered open, a smile that was once on his face disappearing the moment he looked around him but didn’t find me. His head turned and once his eyes met mine, I cried loudly, the sounds of my sobs now evident and not muffled anymore.

“Annabeth?” He asked with a deeper voice than usual and I looked away from him, my arms instinctively wrapping around my freezing body due to the open window.

“Annabeth are you alright?” He got up and walked towards me, only his torso bare. Once he was close to me, I stepped away until I was stopped by the cold wall.

I let more tears fall; what the hell was wrong with me yesterday? Why did I kiss him? Yes, I remember kissing him but I don’t know why nor remember what happened next. I can’t remember a thing and that’s what drives me insane, not sure if something happened between us because if so, I’ll loose my shit right now. But I remember that I am still in my dress and that he’s in his black jeans and calm a bit, only a bit though.

“What- what happened?” I asked; my voice hoarse from my crying and because I don’t have the energy to speak due to the fucking hangover I have got.

“Nothing,” He answered and I felt some of the weight above my shoulders vanish. “Nothing happened except that I kissed you.” He continued and I furrowed my brows together.

“You were the one who kissed me? Uh, I guess I remember–”

“No, I was the one who leaned closer and kissed you, and I’m terribly sorry for doing such stupid action.” He cut me off and I looked away, embarrassed by the fact that we kissed.

I remember that I was the one who leaned closer at first when we were at my apartment, why is he denying it then? But I guess if he says that he was the one who started it then I must believe him as he was the one sober back then.

“I’m so sorry,” He apologized and I looked up to find him looking at the ground in clear shame.

I didn’t have anything to say to him. I mean, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do as I’m still in love with my dead fiancé. But does his death means I have to move on? Yes, I must do so but I don’t really know what’s stopping me.

I felt guilt creep up to me, filling all my veins. What will have Josh said if he was here? How did I do this to him? I must be such a terrible person for doing such thing to such a great man.

“Annabeth, if you’re guilty then you mustn’t be. He’s gone and you must accept it. You must move on and live your life without thinking a hundred times what Josh would’ve said is he was here, because he’s simply not here. And I don’t really know what’s going on through that mind of yours, but I know that you’re probably lecturing yourself about how shameful that was, and I would like to tell you that it’s not. You’re moving on and kissing me isn’t such a crime.” I heard him say then looked him dead in the eyes, a tear escaping my eyes at what he said.

As much as I hate admitting it, Josh is really gone. I’ve been denying the truth for the last couple months and whenever any of them told me he was gone, I’d yell at him that he’ll come back here. But thinking about it for a moment, he’s truly gone and he’s never coming back. He left me, alone and he’s not gonna be here to judge me. I know he’s watching me and that he’d want the best for me. And I guess Harry here is helping me to find the best for me.

“I- I don’t want you to get fake hopes because of that kiss,” I’ve wanted to tell him that since I woke up. I don’t want Harry to think that I’m gonna start liking him after a kiss because that’s impossible for me. It’s impossible for me to like let alone start a new relationship after Josh.

I have been hurt enough times in the past, when Harry and I fought because I thought he cheated on me, which eventually turned out that he didn’t, and that truly caused me a lot of pain. And now, after Josh’s loss and that feels even worse, I’ve lost the man I love for the second time and I’m not ready to take part in something that I’m not sure if it will continue.

“I won’t.” He spoke quietly; his brows furrowed together and his eyes looking away from mine. I felt the need to apologize, but decided against it as there was nothing to apologize for.

“Uh, so we didn’t do anything?” He chuckled before shaking his head causing his curls to bounce in the process. “Okay.” I sighed in relief.

“Er, I think I need to go.” He said before grabbing his shirt and blazer from the floor and wearing them.

He looked at me for a moment and I swear I saw all the sadness in the world in his green eyes, causing me to instantly hug him. He did hug back, but I am sure he was shocked by my sudden action as I was.

“It’s gonna be better, Anne. Once you finally decide to forget, you’ll be able to smile again.” He said before he pulled away and walked out of the room, and then out the door.

Confused and flustered by his words, I sat down on the mattress, thinking about the state I’ve been in. What’s the point of grieving over someone who’s not even here to comfort you? What’s the bonus I get after all this hurt? One thing I do know is that I’m getting nothing by grieving myself over Josh’s death. In fact, I’m worsening the situation even more. He helped me move on over Harry, not because he loved me and wanted me for himself, but because he knew that this was what’s best for me.

That’s what Harry’s trying to do here; he’s trying to help me move on and over come the sadness because that’s what’s best for me. It’s complicated, that life of mine, but I think I can just untangle all the tangles in it with one simple decision. A decision I know is better for me and that will help me over come this horrendous state I’m currently in, a decision that will help me smile and live again without the pain wrenching my bones. A decision I must’ve taken a while ago; I am moving on.

***

“So you finally decided to move on, eh?” Steph asked while we were waiting for our drinks to arrive. Sighing, I smiled.

“Yeah, I guess there was no point in staying the way I was forever, you know? Besides, I wanted that pain off of my chest, I wanted to live and breathe again and I am sure he’d want me to do this.” The guy who took our orders came to us and handed each her drink, and we all thanked him then he went.

“That’s deep shit.” Sarah said, taking a sip of her drink and I giggled.

“Shut up, Sarah.” Melina scolded her then looked over to me. “I’m really happy that you chose the right decision, Beth. And I promise that everything is gonna be fine.” I smiled at my best friend.

Those were the same words Harry told me; everything’s gonna be better. I hope so, and I am gonna work on it. I am already half way through the road to happiness and I hope I could continue the other half.

I am terribly sorry for the extremely short chapter, but this one is to clarify that Annabeth is gonna move on with her life and forget about Josh. She’s not gonna forget him completely and run to Harry, though, it’s gonna take time. I’d like to thank everyone reading\voting on this book. I love you,

-Nadine.