Loud Pøetry Spilled From The Quiet Soul

Part 108

He takes a breathe

The door opens

The smell of alcohol fills his head

"Here's a blade"

"Do us a favor"

"Kill yourself"

"You're the worst child"

"You're faking being Trans"

"I never even loved you"

"You kids these days think you had it so bad? You blame others and just self diagnose yourself?  You live in a house, have food, clean water, clothing on your back."

"You're so ungrateful. Your generation is a bunch of spoiled brats"

"Making up everything that's wrong with you all for attention"

He just sits there. Taking it.

"I WAS BEATEN AS A CHILD!"

"I LEFT HOME AT 15 TO ESCAPE THEM"

"I HAD TO WORK MY ASS OFF FOR WHAT I WANTED!"

"I HAD TO DEAL WITH YOU BEING BORN!"

"I HAD NOTHING HANDED TO ME!"

"EVERYONE HATED ME! MY FATHER
WAS GAY AND EVERYONE KNEW!"

"I STILL STOOD PROUD!"

"BUT YOU ARE THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I'VE EVER HAD!"

His eyes threaten tears.

The women who entered his life

3 years ago

Asking him

To go. Again.

Is he too much to handle?

Is that why everyone leaves?

Is that why it's easy for people

To give up on me?

To ignore me.

To not hear me?

To not realize I'm holding so

Much inside?

I don't want to tell you.

What I bottle up. Because you're

Hurting.

You're more important than me.

Everyone is more important than me.

I realize I'm not the perfect

friend

Brother

Cousin, and or nephew.

But I am trying my best.

I can't trust anyone now.

Everyone seems to push me away

So why get close?

People tend to hurt me.

But I still stay.

I'm a failure.

Everyone wants me gone.

Everyone hates me.

Everyone keeps me on the back burner

Until they need a problem.

And even if I'm crying.

I'll wipe them off and help you.

I have lost all feeling officially.

I don't want to go out.

I don't want to pretend to be excited.

I don't want to be alive

BUT I HAVE TO BE.

I HAVE TO BE OKAY SO YOU ARE OK.

I HAVE TO FAKE A SMILE SO YOU

CAN ALL SMILE.

I HAVE TO WATCH EVERYTHING I SAY

JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE HAPPY.

I HAVE TO SIT STILL AND PRETEND

TO ENJOY MYSELF WHEN I'M REALLY

DYING.

I just want ONE person to actually

Notice these things.

And now since I've written this.

It won't be the same if you asked.

It's too late.

I'm okay. I'm going to be okay.

I'm fine.

But are you?

Are you really okay?

I don't want pity. I don't want anything. Just please be happy. Please. Don't worry about me. Don't think anything of me. Just focus on yourself. Please.