It all changes

6. Death

Mom. She always gets me worked up over nothing. But this time she wasn't alone. She was with a man.

Mom: hey darling, what's with the bat? hehe

Me: nothing I just...

I gave a sigh of relief.

Mom: Sami can I speak with you in the kitchen.

Me: yeh sure.

We both made our way to the kitchen. I was really nervous. What was going to happen?

Frick

Mom: I wanted to know if it was okay with you that I'm dating now. I know it's a bit late to say but I want to know if its alright.

Me: erm.. yeh yeh.. it's f...fine.

I was stuttering as I said so.

Mom: well that's good. Come on lets go have dinner.

Me: I'll be down in a sec.

I ran to my room and cried.

It wasn't okay. I want dad back. He kept our family together. Nothing is the same without him. I hate it.

I had fallen asleep.

Mom came in and opened the door to my bedroom. "Hey honey, you okay?". She came and sat on the chair next to my bed. "Yeh I'm just.. tired." I replied. "Okay. Dinners downstairs if you want some."

"No i'll be okay. But thanks anyway."

Saturday

It was nice and sunny outside today so I decided to have a walk because I was still having panic attacks from the night before.

I had been walking for 2 hours and I reached a place I had never been before. I looked behind me and realised I wasn't very far from home so I could go further.

It was silent. All you could hear were the sounds of the birds singing. There were a few big boulders and and green grass spread on the ground. There was a patch of daisies.

I went to go sit on one of the boulders. I sat and enjoyed the view. The atmosphere was very calming. I knew I couldn't stay there forever. So I decided to make my way home as I didn't want my mom worrying about me.

I was half way home and I saw a sexy guy. I started staring and didn't even realise I was. His eyes moved to mine and I quickly put my head down. He was a beautiful beast.

I don't have a chance with him or anyone. Lol.

I am the dumb classmate.

I am the bitch.

I am the fat one.

I am the ugly one.

I am the depressed girl.

I am never good enough.

I ran home and went straight to my bed. I don't ever want to leave this spot.

I can't cope with all of this anymore. I just want to die. I wish my mom had killed me when she used to beat me up. When she threatened me with the knife why didn't she do it. Why didn't she stab it through my heart and let the blood seep through the floor whilst my soul is taken from my body. It would've made everything easier. I wouldn't have a worry to how a shot about. Nothing is right it never will. Everything bad that happens is because of me. I am the cause and I need to be killed. I'm worse than cancer. I'm the cancer that everyone wants to destroy. I'm the one that is ignored. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to be alive. I'm the one who should be dead ,who shouldn't be here and doesn't belong. I don't belong. Why am I here. Why didn't dad just take me with him. He doesn't want me either.

Sunday

I woke up and had a shower. The water burned my cuts. I poured hot water over them. I deserved it.

I looked all over the house to find my mom but she wasn't there. She was probably with her boyfriend. I skipped breakfast and went back to my room. I opened up my laptop and typed in Facebook in the search engine. Should I log on or not. I did. I had to see what people were saying about me. I couldn't live without knowing.

Hannah: I heard she killed her dad because she got crazy and now she cuts her arm.

Chantelle: I wouldn't be surprised. Whenever I'm around her she stinks of blood.

Molly: eww what a tranny.

Emily: I went past her house and it smelt of piss and the window was smashed. She's a real tramp.

Why?....

I logged out and had a nap.

Mom: COME DOWNSTAIRS NOW! ALL YOU DO IS SLEEP!

Mom had a knife in her hand and ran to me. She sliced it through my heart and said "now you can go to sleep forever." Blood poured down and my body fell on the floor. My mom laughed and walked away as if it never happened...