Impossible Body Type (A Kellic)

04

(Pic from @piIercethevic on Instagram, go give them a follow cause their account is coolio)

Chapter dedicated tooooooo:
@Musictrash0426
@loveCA815
band_lover_5ever

Enjoy the read lovelies😘

| Kellin's POV |

Once again here I was standing in front of my mirror. I didn't have anything on besides my boxers. The more I stared, the more my stomach twisted. I was physically getting sick at the sight, tears were brimming at my eyes, and yet I still couldn't get myself to look away.

In some sick way it was sort of like motivation. I hated myself and looking at it only made it grow. I felt I needed that hatred to propel me to do the things I needed. If I didn't fix all these problems then I would never be wanted in society and I would never be able to satisfy my need to be perfect. Just once I wanted to look at my reflection and smile.

I pulled at the waistband of my boxers. They hugged my hips and stomach tightly. Later when I took them off you would probably be able to see a small indent. Every time that happened I wanted to cry. Just like I wanted to cry every time I bumped into someone in the hall or when I ran out of breath walking up the stairs. I was too fat.

As I pulled at the skin on my stomach my eyes wondered to the two jagged cuts than ran up my wrist and the other cuts that littered my thighs. The sight made me itch for something, anything, to bring that feeling back and that was bad. I always acknowledged my cuts but it had been a long while since the itch to actually cut had happened.

I pulled myself away from the mirror and wiped the tears that were resting on my cheek. I quickly went to my closet and pulled out a hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans. I slipped them on and hurried downstairs where my Dad was. I needed to distract myself.

"Morning Bud."
"M-m-morning." I took a seat on the couch next to him.
"You okay Kells?" He turned towards me and I took a deep breath before answering. Willing my stutter to slighten.
"I-i..." I had to stop and restart. "I-I'm o-o-okay." I knew my Dad saw right through me.
"Kellin your stutters pretty bad." He said slowly. "Are you really anxious?" I just simply nodded. "Do you wanna talk?" I shook my head. Normally I would but today I couldn't bring myself to. "Do I need to be worried?"

That one question was like our code word. When things were really bad he would ask and with a simple head movement he would know whether I needed to get out of a situation or just needed help. He could ask it without anyone knowing there was meaning behind it, he just sounded like a protective dad.

"N-no. I-I'll be-e o-okay." I said forcing myself to answer. He still didn't seem too convinced but let it go nonetheless. I pulled my legs up to my chest and watched the clock tick by until it was time for us to leave. I grabbed my things and soon we were off to the place I would be stuck at for the next eight hours.

Like every day, once we pulled up to the school my Dad handed me lunch money while I tried to convince him I wouldn't need it. He simply waved his hand and gave me a quick goodbye before pulling out of the parking lot. I sighed and turned towards the school.

When I walked through the halls it was mostly easy for me to blend into the crowd. I simply shrunk in on myself and kept my head down. I was careful when I walked and made a point to never seem too rushed. Once I got to my locker I opened it and was busy putting my books inside when someone called out to me.

"Kellin!" I cringed at how loud my name was being called but still turned around to see Vic running at me with a hug smile on his face. "I found you!" He said excitedly. "I got here a little early to look for you but you weren't here. So I was roaming the hallways and I thought I got lost once, but I didn't, and I was trying to find my locker but instead I found you." He rambled in one breath and I couldn't help but smile.

"C-calm d-down." I told him with a light chuckle.
"Sorry. I got nervous. Anyway in other news my locker is right beside of yours. What classes do you have?" I simply handed him my schedule and he looked over it. "We only have math and science together. How come you're in senior classes?" I shrugged my shoulder and a smile pulled at his lips. "You don't talk much do you?"

I looked down and shook my head. "N-no not really-y."
"Well that's gonna change because you've got me as a friend and I'm constantly talking." He gave me a goofy grin.
"F-friend?" I said and he smiled even bigger.
"Yeah! You're kinda awesome."
"Y-you hardly k-know m-me." I pointed out.
"But I'm a great judge of character." He argued.
"W-whatever you sa-ay."

The bell rang and I shut my locker and slipped my bag back on my shoulders.
"Hey do you think you can show me to my first class because I have no clue where I'm going."
"I-I'd lo-ove too."