Miseducated (Short Story.)

Chapter 11.

"Luhvsick." - Iman Europe.

Tuesdai

It gets tough, ya know? It gets tough when you're stuck in your past and it seems like nothings going right for me. After our trip to Hawaii, I thought we were both on the same page. I was clearly wrong. Rah wanted a baby. Me? Eh, not so much. I don't ever really want kids again to be honest. Been there, done that. I mean I did want them, but lately, my baby fever has drifted and rapidly. I don't know if it's the fear of losing another child or if I genuinely don't want one, but I can honestly say if I never had another baby again, I'd be content. 

This leaves me to the present. Right now I'm deciding whether or not I should go through with this abortion. I'm pregnant. Two weeks exact. The day I told Rah, he was ecstatic. He was the happiest man, but I broke the news to him about the abortion and he hasn't been the same. We argue everyday. If we do talk, it's an argument attached to it and to be honest, I'm over it. It's my body, and if I don't want to have this baby, I won't. 

Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe, I'm just running away from my fears, but I don't care. I've been down that road before and I don't want to go back there. I sat in the drivers seat of my car, staring at the clinic. I sat there for what felt like hours and it was because it was now dark and the clinic was closed. I couldn't do this. I was in love with the man that helped create this life inside of me and I knew it would hurt him more than me if I went through with this. 

I sighed as I started up my car and drove to McDonald's. I order my food and made my to Rah's house.  He wasn't home, so I just unlocked the door with my spare key. I walked into the tornado we had caused two days ago. I picked up the broken picture frames and random clothing before sitting in the living room and eating. Soon I heard the door opening.

"What you doin' here?" He asked not bothering to look at me. I walked up the stairs after him. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his shoes off one by one and throwing them across the room. I stood at the door. "I didn't get the abortion Rah." He shrugged before chuckling. "Why Tues? Why? I thought yo ass was gon do that shit regardless. I thought you was gon do it because you woudn't be happy." He smirked. 

I sighed and walked closer to him. "I sat outside of the clinic until it closed, just thinking. I couldn't do it." 

"Why?" He asked. 

"Because I love you and I couldn't do it." I sighed. 

"And you thought this shit would make me forget?" 

"Damnit Rah! How many times can I tell you I'm sorry, I am not gonna argue with you anymore. So either you let me go and I become a single mother or we work this shit out and fix us." I yelled. He stared at me long and hard before walking towards the bathroom. Before he shut the door he looked over his shoulder at me. "When I get out the shower, I want you in my bed." I smiled a bit before going to the guest room to take a shower. 

I got out before he did and changed into one of his shirts. I looked down at my invisible baby bump. Even for a bigger girl, I knew I would be able to see my bump when it formed. I crawled in bed, snuggling into the soft sheets. He walked out still not really looking at me. I knew he was still mad, he always acts like this when he's mad. I sighed and flipped through channels, settling on Blank Ink. 

"That nigga Caesar is stupid." He shook his head as he climbed in bed. I just nodded. 

"You know I love you right Tues?" 

I looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I love you too."

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So you're pregnant? Stace asked. I just shook my head not really interested in talking. I still wasn't in the baby fever, so it sort've annoyed me talking about this baby. "What's wrong with you?" She asked. I looked at her and shrugged. "Nothin' just don't feel like talking." She rolled her eyes at me, finishing her wine. "Whatever, you might as well spill because you know I can get annoying when I keep asking. "I said nothing Stacy, damn." I threw my hands in the air. "Why somethin' gotta be wrong with me? Why can't I just not feel like talking." I yelled. 

"Because you always talk Tuesdai. Just tell me whats wrong."  I rolled my eyes. "I don't want this baby." I mumbled lowly. She gasped dramatically causing me to roll my eyes again. "What do you mean?" "Exactly what I said. I don't want this baby." She got up from my sofa and walked into the kitchen. She came back with the whole bottle of red wine and poured her a glass. I chuckled. "Girl, imma need to get drunk after this one! So you don't want to be pregnant?" 

I nodded my head and sipped on my water. "Exactly." "So why are you having a baby then?" I sighed. "I couldn't kill it. I sat outside of that damn clinic till it closed. I just couldn't go in and kill this baby, but I don't want it either." I cried. She walked over to the couch I was in and sat next to me, rubbing my shoulder soothingly. "Why not Tues. This is a beautiful gift and you don't even want it."

I wiped my tears. "Because I don't want to go through the heartbreak again Stace. What if this child comes out just the way Quan did? I could never live with myself again." She hugged me tighter as I cried. "I, I just can't do this. I can't get attached to this baby even though I want to so damn bad." "Tues, this is shot to have another by the guy that you love. Don't start thinkin' irrational all of a sudden because of the past. This baby is going to be healthy and your going to look back on this day and laugh." 

"I can't do this Stace." She sighed. "Well talk to Rahmell." 

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"Baby!" He yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I sighed. "Upstairs." I could hear him jogging up the stairs until he had gotten to my room. "Why the hell is this condo so big?" He asked. I just shrugged. "So I've been thinking." I said. He sat on the bed waiting to hear my idea.

"Well." He asked. 

"I want to give this baby up for adoption." 

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Well then! Leave me your opinions down below!

Love You All!

-Tushari :)