I'm not a coward, just shy (Hogwarts fanfic)

Ch 5

Blood dripped down my hand as I clutched it to my chest. It strung and nipped as I walked. The words, "I must not talk back nor should I insult my elders" was carved into my hand and I can see now that I would carry those words for the rest of my life. I cursed the very day Professor Umbrigde's parents forgot to use protection. I snapped the password to the fat lady, having to apologise to her before she would like me in and made my way into the common room. The very next morning I was going to make sure that Dumbledore heard all about her medieval ways. I made the mistake of making eye contact with Ginny. Observed as she was, she noticed the way I was holding my hand on the spot. She dumped the large text book she had been reading, jumped out of her chair and she was on my in a heart beat. She snacked my hand and stared at in such a way that reminded me of Molly.

Her eyes turned very cold when she saw the weeping cuts on my hand.
"That professor did that to you" she asked. 
"I'm fine-" I was cut off quickly.
"No your not, your never fine" she said taking my wrist and dragging me over to a small window seat out of the way wear there was a small sink and bits and bobs for making tea as well as a basic first aid kit. Ginny made me roll up my jumper sleeve and wash the cuts while she dug out some anti bacterial spray and plasters. I hissed when the stringing spray made contract with the cuts, trying to pull away but Ginny had my hand in a vice, muttering 'stop being a baby'. It took six plasters to cover the short paragraph on my hand but there wasn't anything big enough to patch up anything bigger than a paper cut.

"Thanks" I smiled shyly at Ginny finding it hard to meet her eyes. My non plastered hair found its way to the warm metal of the watch under my robes. I could feel Ginny's eyes on me. She had her mother's eyes, warm brown which were both piecing and kind. Like they could see right down to your core but they were OK with what they found.
"Why don't you ever let people in?" The question took me off guard. I looked up from the flood. Ginny was fixing with that stare that told she could see passed my lies. Didn't mean I didn't try.
"I don't know what you mean" I said giving her my best smile. Her eye brows knitted together.
"Don't play dumb, what your hurting your first reaction is to hide it and handle it yourself. Why is it so impossible for you to just take don't your guard for once. I mean, I had to find out that my brother was gay with the rest of the school. Is it that you don't trust me with your secrets" she began to dissolve a little with her anger.

I suddenly realised how tired I really felt. Small weights hang from my eyes and my bones might have well been made of metal. I felt like I had aged about 40 years in the space of 5 years. I longed to go back to the time where I was ignorant of my gift. When gut feelings where just that. I wanted to go back to the time where I was numb to the where and when static didn't cloud my vision. To that first glorious summer at the Weasley's home. Waking up in a warm bed as the cool morning air brushed my cheeks bringing with it the smell of breakfast. Summer afternoons spend in the rolling fields between the burrow where we would stay out long after the sun had set and star were smiling there hello's. Ginny had grown in so much time, from a shy girl to a teenager.

She had calmed down now, furiously wiping at her eyes, sitting next to me on the window seat. She curled herself in, resting her face on the glass of the window, looking out at the grounds. I opened my mouth, faltering for just a second.
"I am scared of dying" I was shocked by how small my sounded. Ginny snapped her head up a little shocked.
"dying?" She seemed to want me to make the first move to press on.
"I am scared of being in pain, of dying slowing. Having to watch everyone come in and watch me wasted away. I am scared of ever being able to live my life to the end... Most of all I am scared of seeing someone I love die and not being able to provide it" my voice broke a little at the end. We were silent for a what seemed like a life time.
"You know, Cedric really did love you" she said, I looked up at her, tears were threatening to leak over her eyes. "After the Yule ballroom, he approached me" she confessed. " he begged me to pursued you to give him a second chance. I threatened to hex him when he didn't drop it. Maybe if I had given in you- you would have had more time". I felt my heart shatter all over again. I had spend the whole summer forcing myself to not let myself cry, cursing myself when it became to much.

I gasped a sob all my barriers faltering and falling.
"Oh god... I miss him so much" I gasped like oxygen was failing me. Ginny was quick to wrap her arms around as I clutched to her robes like a life line. As if she was the only thing keeping me from sinking. I cried myself into exhaustion. Barley making It to my bed before I collapse onto the covers. I didn't bother changing, nor did I shift under the covers. Stormy jumped up to me and let me dig my fingers into my thick fur. Falling asleep with the cat in my arms.

I dreamt of Cedric that night. Not the cold and lifeless Cedric who had haunted me for months but my Cedric. The warm living Cedric. Waiting for me on the other side of a flower covered field. He was smiling, seeming to glow with hoe alive he was.
"Hi Taylor, look at you, your a mess" he said clutching at my appearance, "when was the last time you slept". I try to step towards him but I couldn't move my feet. He shook his head.
"Not yet, it's not your time. Don't worry I'll wait. I'll wait as long as I have too..."