NEPTUNE | ETHAN DOLAN

thirty-eight

we lay there. complete silence. it was surreal, like complete infatuation never felt better. her eyes were stuck on the outside world. they held a sense of fear and resistance. mine did too. it's okay to fear the unknown. you never know what's about to happen when you leave your door.

larissa's leg stationed upwards keeping one leg straight and she rested her hand on my chest. her head curled up beneath my arm. her essence of life was thrilling. ill never be able to capture purity than i do right in this moment. her window slightly ajar, proceeded to give a slight breeze. it made her eyelashes flutter. i watched them float awake and fall. what i loved about larissa most was her individual beauty and thirst for love. she's never felt apart of something, as she's told me in the early hours of the mornings and i hope that now she begins to build her strength.

her bent leg slowly begins to drop onto my lower half and her eyes begin to slowly close. the breeze thickens and her hair begins to flow around her face. i lay there and wanting to leave it and wait until she does it on her own call, however i can't resist. my hand caresses her face, skin soft and placement tranquil. i'm adored by her perfect imperfections. her little scars on her neck, probably from early childhood. i swipe away the hair and tuck it ever so lightly behind her ear not disrupting her sleep.

i rock up and sit with my hands on my head, elbows propped up against my knees and i scruff with my hair. i turn to see larissa making soft grumbles from her dreams.

the breeze is warmer now than it was before. she would tell me she would sit on her roof outside her room and watch the city never sleep. i remember all the facetime moments of her drinking copious cups of coffee at 3 in the morning just so she could watch the world burst into colour to start its 24-hour cycle again. larissa has always respected the world, in a sense of beauty. she would always talk to me in a ramble and name all the celestial bodies that were made in the sky. her love for the universe is so beautiful and i'm sad that i can't stay around for a lifetime to watch her observe the night sky and create our own stories of when we were so young.

i couldn't sleep that night, my head isn't rested and my mind isn't changed. i turn to look back in the window where larissa stays in the same position she fell asleep into. i begin to look up into the night sky and ponder for a moment. there's a slight smile, there's a slight fear. in a few days i have leave back home where i won't be able to hold her.

she values the world in its most precious beauty, what she doesn't know is that she is my whole world. the moon, the stars. the seas, the clouds. the sun, the angels and everything in between.

i'm sorry i couldn't stay around longer.
i'm sorry i couldn't cope with the pain.
i'm sorry i wasn't worth enough anything for you.
it was just that my mind was too much of a mess for you to clear it.

i'm sorry.

ill remember you always.

[ authors note ]
you need to remember this for future.