when I was small and new to this place,
you were small and new, too.
I don't remember how we found each other amongst the giant faces,
but I can't imagine life without you.
we were much the same, you and I.
sad, lost, empty, lonely,
and we needed something to make up for it.
we were supposed to be that something for each other,
as best we could.
I hope this is not your best.
I don't remember when I started becoming not enough,
but I can't imagine not feeling like I've been left behind.
suddenly, you were friends with the giant faces,
and you had escaped the corner in which we presided
and had moved on to bigger things,
better things, from the looks of it.
you were supposed to be my antisocial saving grace,
my person among unknown people,
the one I could always rely on when I was scared
and alone
and didn't know anyone else,
didn't know how to talk to anyone else.
why the fuck did you leave ?
now, I sit here all alone with a tingling ball of fear in my stomach
and a heavy weight in my chest as I watch you
flit around the room and greet all the people you once did not know,
sparing me only a glance as I waste away in the corner of your mind.
now, I am my own best friend.
I have to learn how to accept the fact that I'm alone
again
and work up the courage to put one foot in front of the other,
after you've run miles away.
now, you are one of the giant faces and I don't know who you are,
and you punch me in the gut when you pretend you haven't changed.
I sit and smile and pretend I'm not dying,
pretend I haven't noticed.
I am left, antisocial without a partner in crime,
without an outlet, a place to go, a person to trust,
and everything is unsure.
I scream in my mind instead of texting you,
because I don't have you nor do I have a replacement,
and when I'm sad, I'm the only one who knows. I'm
twice as lost as before,
but I'm not sure there's anywhere for me to go,
and you used to make me genuinely happy,
but now the things I feel are very fake
and flimsy and fleeting, and when they leave
I am empty again.
now, I am lonely, and it never seems to change.
I miss you.
I hope that you're happy, entrusting yourself to the giant faces
instead of me.
I hope they give you that something you were looking for.
and most of all, I hope I find something
for myself,
because I can't live like this
anymore.
@
