Just Friends

Chapter 40

C h a p t e r F o u r t y

"I'd like to say we gave it a try."

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I didn't notice how dark it was until I looked out the window and neither did Justin. He was shocked and if I was being honest, I was too. I loved Justin with all my heart and I knew it would be impossible to ever stop loving him. He made me feel something that no one else could - but, I wanted something that would keep my mind off the fact Justin and I wouldn't be together any longer.

"Ariana, no." Justin stated, running a hand through his hair. "No fucking way. I love you too much to even consider to go back to that. You hated it. Ariana, there's other options and this isn't one of them."

I frowned, sitting next to him on the bed as his eyes were locked with mine. I felt Justin was the only person who would ever fully understand me and when he leaves, or when I leave - there will just be emptiness because he filled me. I lifted my legs slightly, his hand gently caressing it.

"When you go to California, I don't know what's going to happen and I...don't know if I'll be okay. But, I love you Justin and I'm doing this for you because I want to make it easier for you. Everything that I do is for you."

He gave meaconfused look, his light eyes now looked darker than ever, before closing them and running his hands over his face before mumbling in them. "Why? I finally got you and now I'm loosing you."

"You'll never loose me. I promise." I spoke softly before placing my arms around him. I wanted to be with Justin, but I felt like our only way was to let our relationship down a level if that was even possible. When you love someone and I was hundred percent certain that I loved him, you need to put them first.

"I don't know what to do." He spoke, staring down at his hands, his face showed no expression, making my heart literally hurt. "I don't want to let you go when you go to New York. I love you Ariana. I really fucking do because you are all I have and I don't want anyone else but you. I know we're young, but I have never been so sure about something in my life. You make me a better person, you make me so happy. Fuck. This isn't fair."

I didn't even reply because I couldn't. I was speechless and really, I just wanted him to be alright. Instead, I just pushed my body into his, running my hand through his hair. His arms quickly wrapped around my waist as he held me tightly, his embrace giving me closure and his lips gently pressed against my neck. By now, I was straddling him.

Justin rarely ever opened up. He wasn't that type of person and when he did - it always made me speechless.

"Do you really think it'll work?" He mumbled, his hands gently drawing circles on my back and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Do I think what'll work?"

"Going back to no feelings. Do you think it'll make it easier for us?" He replied, his hair now messy.

I suddenly realised what he was talking about and I bit my lip, unsure of my answer. I didn't know if it would make things easier. I wouldn't know unless I tried but now, I wasn't even sure if I was willing to take that chance anymore.

"Justin," I spoke before he cut me off.

"It's worth a shot." He whispered, his hand gently running up the back of my shirt, my lips parting. I was surprised that he wanted to give it a go, but he was right. It was worth a shot. We wouldn't know unless we tried.

"I hate this." I replied, truthfully. We shouldn't even have to consider going back to what we had.
Because a part of me already knew that this wasn't going to work - but I was in denial.