August 21, 2017
New Orleans
Beyoncé Knowles
I woke up to the sound of my phone going off, letting me know that I got a text message.
I sighed and I rubbed my eyes. They felt puffy and swollen because I was up all night crying.
After Nicki hung up on me yesterday, I tried calling her back, because even though she was yelling at me, I still loved hearing the sound of her voice.
I probably don't deserve to be emotional about the fact that she doesn't want to talk to me, but she just doesn't understand, and even if I tried to explain it to her, she can feel sorry for me, but that won't really change anything.
The only way that I can help both of us, is if I get rid of whoever is coming after me, which at this point I'm pretty sure is Damien.
He and I have never seen eye to eye. And there have been multiple times where he's tried to have me killed, and honestly, there have been times where I've done the same.
He is just so damn arrogant and persistent, it's annoying.
But, although he is annoying, he has proven to be just as ruthless if not more than his father Dominic.
The only thing that makes him more ruthless, is the fact that he's patient and very intelligent.
As much as I hate the life I was thrown into at the young age of 16, it has shaped me into the person that I am today. And I have not forgotten the training that I was taught.
I secretly practice the things I learned everyday. I just don't use them to kill.
I practice because I knew eventually I would need them. And the time has come for them to be used.
The only thing I regret, was not teaching Onika and hiding that part of my life from her.
But it's easier said than done.
I don't know if Onika would be my wife now, had I told her that part of my past.
I mean, back then we were young, and she was so innocent, I didn't want to corrupt her by exposing her to what I was forced into.
That's one of the things that I fell in love with about her, was her innocence.
Don't get me wrong, I think her being this bad ass "partner in crime" if you will, training with me and knowing everything I know could have been cool. But her being the way she is and her bringing me out of the headspace I was in after losing my, at the time best friend, is why I will forever love her.
Nobody else in this world can or will replace the place in my heart that I have reserved for Nicki and only her.
I just wish there was a way for me to tell her that and make her understand, without her getting more upset with me. But I would rather her be pissed at me and never talk to me again, then burden her with the responsibility of taking Damien out.
This is something I alone have to do.
I reach over to grab my phone off the night stand, to see who messaged me.
When I unlocked my phone, I saw it was a message from Candi, letting me know that she is with Nicki now, and that she is going to stay with her until I come back.
I shot her a quick text thanking her, and I got up to go take a shower and get ready for the day.
I decided I want to go visit my grandmothers grave today. She always knew what to say, so maybe she could give me some answers.
