Houston
Beyoncé Knowles
After I walk out of my childhood room, I close the door behind me and I stand there with my hand still wrapped around the door knob in the dark hallway of my mother's house. I thought our talk was going to go in a completely different direction, but sometimes things don't go the way you want it to. Those sometimes have been my life for the last couple of weeks. Everything feels like its falling apart around me, and I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep it all together.
I forcefully exhale, prepping myself for my second interaction with my family today. I don't feel like answering intrusive questions, so I fix my face to an expression void of the internal turmoil that seems to have enjoy my company. I slowly walk down the stairs, being mindful that it is still a little difficult to breathe without it hurting, but I'm a big girl. I'll be alright.
When I reach the last step, I hear the deep voice of the one and only Dominic Blackman. I despise this man, but since he's going to around more often, I have to force myself to at the very least tolerate his presence.
"There you are. How are you feeling?"
I look to my right to see Tina, Solange and Dominic staring at me. "I'm fine. Just hungry and tired." I say with a small smile.
"Well dinner is already ready. I'll make you a plate." Tina says walking into the kitchen.
Solange walks over to me and gently engulfs me in a tender hug. "I'm glad your back and safe Bey. I honestly didn't think you were going to make it back." she says into my shoulder. I relax into her embrace, tearing up at her display of relief that I'm still here. This is what I wanted from my wife. To be wrapped in her arms and relish in the feel of her body glued to mine. Not the cold shoulder and the lack of emotion.
She pulls away from the hug and we both make our way over to the dining room table. I pull one of the oak wood dining chairs from the table and I sit in it, seeing Solange do the same beside me. I close my eyes and lay my head in my hands, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. I'm praying that once I get some food in my stomach and some rest that it will go away. I feel Solange lay her head on my shoulder, and I smile slightly, leaning to lay my head on top of hers.
"Are you doing alright Bey? You've been through some shit these last couple of days and I want to know how your dealing with all this." She voices to me.
I take a deep breath and I lift my head from hers. She lifts hers off of my shoulder and looks at me. "Honestly....I feel like I'm drowning Solo." I sigh. I squeeze my eyes shut because I can already feel that all too familiar sting. "So much is happening at one time and it feels like I'm just trying to stay above water. Every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere, something keeps pulling me further down. I-I'm sinking and no one wants to stick around long enough to pull me out." I cry.
This shit hurts man, like really fucking hurts.
"Come here." she says opening her arms.
I lean over and I let her pull me into another comforting hug. Solo and I used to fight all the time. We never seemed to get along when we were children, but I think Matthew's irrelevant ass had a lot to do with that at that time, but as we got older, we became closer and very protective of each other. I do like the way that I'm able to speak to her about what I'm feeling right now, but I'm still very weary about telling her too much or anyone for that matter. I just have a bad habit of trusting people for them to let me down and after this whole fiasco with Nicki just now, my trust in people is pretty much nonexistent at this point.
I continue to silently cry with my head resting on her shoulder, until I hear the sound of wooden chair legs scraping against the hardwood floor to my right. I lift my head from Solange's shoulder and sit upright to see Dominic taking a seat in the chair, positioning his body to face me.
