pent up energy | jojian

t w o

joji pressed the newly lit cigarette to his lips, taking a drag. he felt the smoke erupt in his lungs, which made him instantly feel at ease again. he was sitting outside of an old coffee shop in australia. he had been in australia for a while now, since max insisted him stay there. ian was there too, but joji tried to get out of the house most days just to avoid seeing him. that night happened almost two years ago, but since joji had developed feelings for him, he couldn't stop thinking about it every time they were near each other. it made things awkward for joji, and he couldn't help it. ian, on the other hand, was completely normal, and his comfortable self.

but alas, joji knew he had to go back to the house. he dreaded that last puff of his cigarette, but unfortunately, it came; he butted out the cigarette on the ground, and flicked it in a cigarette dumpster nearby.
it was quite a chilly day for australia, which was out of the ordinary. it barely ever got cold in australia; but maybe it was just one of those days. nothing seemed to make that feeling inside joji go away. that..incomplete feeling.
not even when he was drunk did the feeling cease. it never seemed to dissolve from his mind. it never..went away.
it was just a constant feeling of hopelessness. he began to think he was worthless. no one would want him. especially not ian.
and his youtube 'fans' didn't even want the real joji. people didn't seem to care about the real 'filthy frank'. sure, there were a lot of fans who loved both joji, and his characters, but still. there were a shit ton more who didn't.
joji didn't know what to do. he thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but he just shook that thought away. joji thought there were more people who were in much worse situations than him. all he had were hopeless 'feelings.'

.

"hey i'm back." joji called out into what seemed like a much too quiet house. since it's usually loud as fuck, and max is always yelling for some reason. "oh hey, joji. had a nice cigarette, faggot?" ian said with a laugh. although joji knew he meant it as a joke, it still stung him deep down. but he never let it show. "uh yeah. it was..appeasing." joji forced a smile, like always.
he hated being fake, but it was all he could do when ian spoke like that. "that's good. max wanted to know when you were getting back. i think he wants to tell us about a video idea." ian told joji. this was going to be just great. another video.
joji loved max, but sometimes he got on joji's last nerve while filming. but even so, they always did manage to have fun.
"what kind of video do you think it is this time?" joji asked ian. ian scoffed, and said "fuck if i know. probably some weird shit. you know. maxmoefoe stuff." joji sat on the couch, and tried easing his nerves. they were killing him. "yeah. i hope it's not too bad haha." joji laughed, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"haha yeah. but even if it was bad, that's just us you know. the cancer crew. well..on youtube that is." ian said. the only time joji would truly smile, would be when he was looking at ian. he couldn't help but smile at the cute man. ian was truly beautiful, and joji couldn't help but notice that. "true true." joji said. he tried his hardest not to stare.
joji thought of playing call of duty, as an attempt to get ian off of his mind, and stop staring. so he turned the xbox on, and started playing.
totally forgetting that ian was still in the room with him.