pent up energy | jojian

n i n e

joji sat in his empty apartment. he sat on a kitchen bar stool, just sitting there, staring at the counter; going over every little detail with his eyes. you see, he had just got home from the airport. and he had been sitting here for hours. he didn't call max, he hadn't talked to anyone. at all.
he didn't feel like moving. he didn't feel like talking. he didn't feel like breathing. on the airplane ride home, he had time to think. joji thought about what ian said. and how much he seemed to mean it. he acted like he hated joji. there was so much anger in his voice, and he yelled at joji. ian never did that, only in videos and just to get his attention. every word that ian spoke, ripped joji apart a little more each time. it tore him down, piece by piece. he wasn't sure if it was still right to be in love with ian or not. he didn't care right now. he only cared about what he did wrong. why did ian have so much hate towards him? why was he so homophobic? what's wrong with it? they were best friends, and ian just threw him away like he was nothing. nothing.
something else happened on the trip home, too. joji's mind became littered with dark thoughts. depressing ones. he wanted the plane to crash, just so he didn't have to live anymore. he didn't feel anything now. his emotions had been stripped away from his mind, leaving his face blank.
he felt absolutely nothing. not even sadness. everything was gone.

•

8:56pm-maxinethecunt: hey, get home safely?
9:25pm-maxinethecunt: joji?? don't be dead pls i need u
9:58pm-maxinethecunt: pls be okay
10:27pm-maxinethecunt: joji pls answer. call me soon.
11:36pm-maxinethecunt: i talked to ian once today. i yelled at him
12:46am-maxinethecunt: joji i stg if u don't answer i'm coming to new york and leaving that bitch ass ian here with the cats
1:30am-maxinethecunt: i thought u'd like that actually

joji kept reading the texts over and over again. he still didn't want to talk to anyone. he wanted to be alone. he wanted to stop posting on the filthyfranktv channel, and just take a break. go do his own thing, make some short tunes, work a little bit more on his music.
he wanted to stop thinking about ian. he wanted to forget. he wanted to take down all the videos that he had done with him, and just forget everything. their whole entire friendship, just gone.
joji wanted that, yet he didn't. that little presence of love, and lust was still there, but now he wanted it to disappear. ian hated him now, so what's the point of loving someone who doesn't give a shit? ian didn't care, he made that clear. his words came out of his mouth so easily; he never flinched.
this made joji want to die even more. he slid his body onto the ground, and curled up in a ball. he felt as if he belonged in someone else's body, someone different than him.
the floor was cold, and hard, but oddly comforting. his face had been hot and red from crying, so the cool floor made everything feel better in a way. 

joji wanted to go to sleep, but he didn't want to move. he didn't feel like moving. but he knew he had to. as he got up, he slid his phone in his pocket, and vowed to text max back when he awoke. but that was the thing, he didn't want to wake up. 

.

an:

this chapter is shit oml, how do you read this without cringing 

i also just pre-ordered joji's new album anD IM READY

WOOOOOO