pent up energy | jojian

t h r e e

it was now five in the afternoon. joji had been playing video games for a while. ian joined him at one point, and they had a wonderful time. the room was full of swearing, and the sound of soda fizz and guns firing.
this was possibly the best day joji had had in quite a while. he forgot about everything that had happened before, and just had a good time with ian. joji had been needing this.
joji actually paid no mind to ian's constant "faggots!" and "fucking gay man!". he just went with it. he said some things too, because i mean, come on. he's gay, he can say those things.
joji came back to reality when max came in, and started telling them about his video ideas. a video about mario and luigi? and a video titled 'deadly twister'. "what kind of sick twisted shit are you going to have us do, max?" joji said, laughing. it was truly funny, because you can't write this shit. max had the purest look on his face when he told the ideas to the guys, but joji and ian both knew where this was going.
max explained the 'deadly twister' video in detail to both ian and joji, and it sounded so painful when they learned the rules.
'mouse traps? candles? what the fuck max? damn. this is going to be fucking awful but hilarious' joji thought. joji knew he was going to have put his feelings aside like most times.
he hated doing it, but it was imperative if he wanted to still be friends with ian. joji remembered tweeting asking his followers if they were ever in love with three people at once, and at the time he really was in love with three people at once. one being ian, and these two other guys he had met at a bar.
well the two guys dropped joji, like he was nothing. it fucked him up, because he didn't have anyone else. he depended on both of them. he loved them for god's sake. he actually loved them. like he loves ian now.
but when they both left, joji felt empty. because he knew ian had nothing to do with him in that way. joji never heard from the two men after that, which meant both were gone for good.
over time, he got over both of the two men. but he never seemed to get over ian. it confused him deeply, as to why he cared so much.
why would he, joji miller, care about one man, who never even remembered that night? it made no sense.
joji could feel everything bottle up inside him. he could feel the sadness, and the regret. he could especially feel the want and need for ian carter. he wanted desperately to come out, and have his friends finally know, but that can't happen. joji was deathly afraid of ian's homophobic thoughts and words. it was killing him internally, and the 'gay' thoughts always would come back.
they don't just stop and go away forever. that's what being a closeted gay is like. you want these feelings to stop, because you're afraid. but they don't, and there's nothing you can do about it.
except wait. and deal with it.
and that's what joji had a hard time doing.

.

joji sat on the edge of the white tub. they had just filmed the 'deadly twister' video, and he was quite filthy to say the least.
he sat on the edge thinking about what the hell he was doing with his life. making stupid ass videos like this for entertainment, and stupid ass music that was basically cancer, but for your ears.
but the answer came to him. it was his job. it's how he paid the bills. it's how he got around. if that's what he had to do, that's what he had to do.
joji turned the hot water on, and let it run down his body. 'fuck this has never felt so good.' joji thought. it made him feel a hundred times better than he did before. all showers did that for him.
he couldn't stay in there long, though. the other three guys needed showers too. if he stayed in there too long, max would yell like a little bitch at him. joji quickly washed himself down, making sure he got all of the spaghetti and candle residue off of his body. one thing about joji, is that he loved smelling good. he always made sure he smelled good after a shower. if he didn't, it pissed him off majorly. because that would mean that shower was a waste of time.

joji grabbed his towel, and wrapped it around his glistening body. he hated walking out and letting the guys see him exposed like this, but then again. there were literally no boundaries between these guys. none.
but joji still felt a little self conscious around them. especially ian, because come on. how can you not be self conscious around that man?

.

// author's note //

hello! sorry this took me so long to update. i've had a busy week/weekend. but here's a longer chapter to make up for it. also, should i start writing with capitalisation? would that make it better, or no?
leave a comment!
anyway, hope you've enjoyed your day.
i send my love <3

-ash