Worse » daniel howell AU

15

When the bell rang, we didn't rush to our seats like we usually do. I just reluctantly lifted my head from Phil's shoulder then opened my eyes to see him stand, offering a hand out to me. I took it as I stood, him pulling me to my feet lightly. He gave my hand a squeeze, his eyes looking as if to ask if I was feeling better. Not asking if I was okay because he knew the answer to that but asking if I was feeling better, even the tiniest bit. Even the smallest bit counted when you're as low as I have been.

I gave him a sad half-smile before I pulled my hand away, both of us separating to go to our individual desks. I saw Dan's eyes follow me as I walked to my desk and sat down. I finally fully looked at him after I was seated, and if I hadn't known any better, I would have said he looked as if he felt guilty. But I knew him, and Dan Howell wouldn't feel guilty, especially over something he'd done to me.

He cared about only himself and his reputation. That didn't leave enough room for him to care about anyone else.

I put my head down on the plastic desktop and closed my eyes, hoping for the school day to be over already.

--

I managed to pull my way through English and Science class. I doodled aimlessly on a sheet of paper in Art for the most part. After that, we went back into Mrs. Maron's class for our free period. Phil and I were sat on the floor in one of the corners of the room. His back was against the wall with his legs sprawled out straight ahead, then I accompanied him with my head laying upon his thighs as he fingered through my hair gently.

Phil had turned something on the tv for us to watch, but I had no interest in watching whatever he had put on. I just lay there in my own world, Phil's fingers running through the strands of hair on my head providing enough of a distraction to keep me from my thoughts.

The bell rang again, now signaling lunch. I hadn't really registered it in my head as I wasn't paying much attention. Phil gained my attention though when he took his hand away from my head, putting it on my shoulder.

"Aliah, hey," I heard. I turned my head to look up at him. "The bell rang for lunch," he pointed out, a nod resulting from me in response before I sat up. "I'm not really hungry. I'll just stay here," I mumbled. Phil's look of worry that he carried around most of the day still seemed to be there, despite him nodding and standing up to go get his lunch.

I finally looked at the tv to see that Captain America: Civil War was playing on it, and I thought back to this morning when Phil and I had argued over the best Marvel superhero. That seemed like forever ago, though it was actually only a few hours. 

My eyes followed the screen as I focused on the movie. My eyebrows seemed to subconsciously furrow together because as soon as Phil walked in, he pointed out my facial expression as I watched the television intently.

"I will never understand how Sharon Carter is really related to Peggy," I explained as I looked back at the screen which still had Sharon and Steve on it. "She's like Peggy's great niece or something," Phil replied as he sat down, putting his plate in front of him. 

"That's what they say, but I don't understand it. See, Peggy only had one sibling, and that was her brother. He died in the war. There was no mention of him having kids or even a wife, so it wasn't likely that he had any kids at all, unless he just had some unmentioned girlfriend who was pregnant or something like that. The only other way she could have any nieces or nephews would be from her husband's siblings. Even if that were the case, they wouldn't have the last name Carter. That is unless by some odd chance the Carter was brought onto that side through marriage, which is completely unlikely and-" I heard Phil laugh from beside me, making me look over at him with raised eyebrows. 

"What?" I questioned as he smiled toward me. "You've barely talked all day, and now you're ranting about a comic character," he said with another laugh. I couldn't help but smile as I looked down sheepishly. "I'm just really into this kind of stuff," I spoke softly with a small laugh. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him still smiling toward me. 

"Well, keep going then. I'm up to listen," he said, making me look back up. I saw him waiting for me to start talking again. 

"You know, there's a theory that Iron Man is going to sacrifice his life for Peter Parker in Avengers Infinity War."

--

So I talked to Phil endlessly about different fandom related theories and such until the bell rang, telling us that it was time to go to our history class. I let out a sigh, "time to learn things and be productive students." Phil cleaned up his lunch and threw it away, grabbing both of our bags and handing me mine after I pulled myself to my feet. We left the classroom and entered the hallway that was filling with students that were en route to their next classes. 

As Phil and I turned the corner that led to the next corridor where, farther down the way, was our history class, we saw Dan exiting the library with a handful of crumpled papers, ones that looked as if he just hurriedly grabbed them without much care to straighten them out, and a pen between his teeth. He rushed past us without any notice, not that I cared, and turned to the hall we had just come from. I assumed to get to his locker as he had the same class as us this period, and he was going the opposite direction.

Why did I even care to notice him? I need to learn to ignore that he even exists. I know better than to have anything to do with him. I know better.