Ice Eyes, Ice Heart (boyxboy) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]

Prologue

NICK

Looking over at Lucas, my heart fluttered.

"Nick Monroe!" My eyes flicked upwards, looking at my teacher Mrs. Rheum, "Are you paying attention?" I nodded my head and looked back at the board, my eyes trailing off in Lucas's direction again. His black eyelashes didn't match his blonde hair and I sat there wondering about it. I've loved those eyes of his since the 4th grade. They went well with his white teeth and full lips. Even better when he'd smile at me. I pondered what it would feel like if the words came out of that mouth: I love you Nick.

I closed my eyes as I shifted in my seat. Me and Lucas are both boys. I knew that and still, I wanted to be closer with him. The thought of being intimate though, is a thought not to be thinking. I knew that too but it never kept me from imagining all sorts of things.

Lucas is perfect. He's kind and comforting, funny and strong. I could never be like him and sometimes I wonder if he'd ever like someone like me. I'm quiet and don't have a lot of friends. I have trouble speaking up or defending myself. But with Lucas by my side, I feel like I can do anything!

***

Twirling a piece of short pale hair, I walked beside him on the way home from school. I kept my gaze straight on but, soon my eyes became fixed on his complexion. His hair reflected the yellow sunlight. Fair skin peeked out from his coat. I looked away before he noticed and kept my eyes glued on my blue and white sneakers.

"Hey." His voice broke the comfortable silence between us and I jumped at the chill it gave me. Once again my vision shifted to his appealing features.

"W-what?" I stuttered, being caught up in my silly thoughts.

"You seemed a little spacey today" I gave him a light chuckle and looked down, repeating the never-ending cycle of greeting his face and then the ground. Of course I seemed spacey. I had been doing a lot of thinking recently. I wondered constantly if I should tell him my true feelings. If I should say that I loved him...

"Oh, I just uh..." I weaved my fingers together, trying to think of a reasonable excuse, "My mom was yelling at me yesterday..." I made up something believable. It was somewhat true. My mother wasn't the nicest person you'd meet. Maybe she had good intentions but, nobody would suspect that. She's a short tempered woman, not someone you'd want to argue with. Especially when she's drunk.

"Hmm are you okay?" He hummed, probably feeling bad for me. Wrapping his strong arm around my narrow shoulders, he gave me a big smile. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. He was too close to me, a distance that was becoming hard to handle. Lately things have been getting worse. Am I weird or something? I shouldn't be thinking these things about my best friend...

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I'm pretty sure I had developed a stutter too. It was hard to breathe around him, and somehow easier. I didn't understand it well, but I knew I wanted to be with this person forever. I knew whenever he was close my heart would pound hard in my chest and I'd feel hot all over. The sensation was not something I was used to. I was still blushing long after he had let his arm fall to his side. I glanced at his hand. It swayed forwards and backwards as we walked to our street. I wondered how his hand would feel in my own as I clenched my fist, my face burning hotter. He must think I have naturally red cheeks. I smiled to myself at that idea.

I breathed in one of those deep breaths that almost make you yawn and stole another peek at Lucas's face.

"I-" My stomach tightened and I let out the air I was holding onto. What the hell was I about to say?

"What was that?" He asked, slowing down his pace a bit as he peered at my funny expression. My face probably looked all weird. Shit...

"Um... I was just going to ask if I could come over again today..." I smiled to reassure him. He probably knew I was lying. He averted his gaze, having us both watch our feet as we walked. But, why would he think I was lying? I didn't say anything out of the ordinary. These worries are troublesome... Lucas returned the upright motion of his lips when I looked up at him. He was always smiling for me. Even when I was sad.

Lucas and I had been friends for 5 years now, and I had been crushing on him since the beginning of middle school. I'm not familiar with these feelings of mine yet, but they have been around for quite some time now. Things had been changing that year. Lucas had gotten taller, and his voice had gotten deeper. His hands were bigger than mine now and it was a weird thing to hold them on the way home from school. There was talk of girls he liked and the things he'd do with them. He would talk of things I never thought were okay to speak of. I started realizing I saw Lucas the way he saw those girls. One thing though, that was bothering me the most, was what I looked forward to and dreaded on days like these.

When we got to his room, he threw his backpack on the floor. I looked around, examining the familiar blue wallpaper and unmade bed. One plain pillow and one matching his walls. That one was for me. I smiled at the thought of him leaving it there on his bed. I spent the night so often, I shouldn't think much of it. But somehow it's special to me. He got his laptop out and I gulped at what I knew was coming.

"Hey so my friend Jason sent me another really good one, you wanna..." He looked over, seeming kind of embarrassed to say the words. I knew what he meant. We'd been doing this for the past couple of weeks. Maybe that's why things have gotten so bad for me. But, I went along with it every time, and sat a fair distance away from Lucas as we unbuckled our belts and watched the perverted film. I tried to not watch him instead, but always failed at keeping my mind focused on the screen. I wasn't into women and this was annoying most of the time. But the sounds Lucas made beside me were worth it, and I'd always finished first hearing him. He'd laugh and say "You gotta hold out longer if you're gonna do it with a girl someday!" But I didn't want to do it with a girl so I never said anything back.

Lucas is my best friend and I love him very much. He's kind and comforting; strong and funny. But, I want him to love me. I want him to touch me like he touches all of his girlfriends. Just what do I need to do in order for that to happen? I think it's time that I told him my feelings.