Ice Eyes, Ice Heart (boyxboy) [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]

Chapter #12 Is Knowing Really Better Than Not?

NICK ...>_<... 

   The first thing I did when I woke up was stress about giving Lucas's coat back to him. I was scared to see him. I know that he was mad and I didn't want to make it worse. But what was I going to do? Keep his coat forever? Plus, this would be the perfect way to try and talk to him. 

   I didn't know how to do it. Just knock on his door and give it to him? Should I start a conversation first? I spent about an hour thinking about it until I finally left the house. I walked slowly; dragging my feet behind me. I didn't want to be a bother. I tried to shake off those thoughts. I was just going to return his coat. How could he be mad about that? I looked down as I walked. I want to ask him about everything. He wouldn't give me a clear answer last time. I want to ask him what he's feeling. If he's actually mad at me. If we're still friends. I looked up quickly stopping in my tracks. We're still friends right? Could this ruin everything? I swallowed hard. Will he still talk to me after this? I took a deep breath, getting even more nervous. I almost turned back. But the question was burning into me. Are we still friends? What would his answer be? 

  As I walked up to his door, I smelled his coat for the last time and blushed at the embarrassing act. My finger shook as It reached for the doorbell. The nerves brought me back to the same feeling I had the last time I rang Lucas's doorbell. Lucas opened up the door and he looked almost disappointed to see me. My heart dropped as he slowly started to close the door. I quickly caught it but I didn't know what to say. I shook it off but fumbled over my words,

   "I! Umm... Here's your coat.." I handed it to him and he took it,

   "Thanks..." He said under his breath. Playing with my fingers behind my back, I tried to figure out what to say. As I was thinking in that short moment of time, Lucas started to shut the door again.

   "Wait!" I shouted. I still needed to ask him, but my confidence was being crushed by every second that went by. I abruptly coughed out my question, "Um... Well, are we still friends?" He looked at the ground and said his answer raspy voiced,

   "...I don't know."

   "W-what?" He doesn't know? How come he doesn't know!? Does he not want to be friends anymore? Are we just going to go our separate ways from now on? I don't want that to happen! I love you! Don't leave me! "What do you me-" before I could finish he had shut the door in my face. How could he be so cruel? He doesn't even know how much I love him... He probably just thinks of me as a pest. I ruined everything. He hates me now... He can't even bare to be friends with me anymore. What's so wrong with me that he won't returned my feelings? Is it that bad... Being kissed by me? Being embraced by me? Tears streamed down my face as I walked away from the door of the one I love.  I walked home with a flushed face and red eyes from crying. My hand held my stomach, as I thought I was going to throw up. My chest was in a knot. I couldn't breathe right. Everything about me was just messed up. Everything about me was just falling apart. He was unraveling me; stripping me of my love, with his ice cold heart. 

☆god, that last line gets me. its my favorite line in the whole book haha (: ☆