Carry on my Wayward Daughter: A Supernatural FanFic

Chapter Two: Trouble in Paradise

… 2014…

I plug the old mix-tape into the player and flop down onto my bed letting Carry on my Wayward Son by Kansas erase everything else in my mind. This has been my routine for years ever since my mother had been getting home late. Smuggle the Our Songs cassette tape into the player and just listen to the music play over and over until I hear her car roll in. 

My stomach growls with a fierce determination and I wander into the kitchen in search for food. An abnormality catches my eye as I scan the room; the locked cabinet is open. I push the rest of the cabinet door open and grab a container from its contents. I gasp as I read the label and the pill bottle falls from my hand as I erupt into a series of gross sobs. The name on the bottle isn’t Addison Walker. It’s not her prescription. My stomach drops as I realize it’s drugs. I keep routing through the cabinet where she used to keep salt-filled shotgun shells and other crazed things in. She kept it locked until a couple of months ago. She kept it closed until this morning. She kept it filled with weapons, but now. Heroin. Bath Salts. Prescription Drugs .I don’t actually know if that’s what they are, but it seems close enough for me to make accusations. I keep shoving it out of the cabinet onto the floor. I get to a lock box that has some sort of symbol etched on the top and I bang it on the counter repeatedly and angrily. I’m crying so hard now, I can’t even see anymore – no matter how many times I blink. The lock box opens, surprisingly. It’s filled with pictures of my mother as a young girl and two boys. Realization hits me as soon as my mother’s voice screaming my name does. “Cassidy! What are you doing!” I whip around to face her.

“I can’t believe this!” I shriek at my mother.

“Cassidy, I know. It’s just –” She reaches out for me, but I just shrug her off angrily. I can’t stand to indulge in her comforting touch.

“I can’t live here anymore. I can’t live with a drug dealer!” Her face contorts in confusion at the words ‘drug dealer’ and I wipe tears off my face quickly before she can see, feeling guilty about saying that out loud. Nothing becomes true until you say it out loud.

“Then where are you going to go! Nobody’s gonna take you in!” She’s just as pissed as I am; She never gets mad at me this much.

“Paula’s” I snap back at her. Paula is my best friend. Her parents own some sports car dealership. She was legit named after a car. Impala, I think? 

“You think the Turner’s are gonna let you sleep on their couch forever?” She asks exasperated.  

Yes? “No.”

“Then where are you going to go? Just stay here, Cassidy. Please, Baby.” Her voice is soothing as she reaches for me again, and I let her in this time.

“Maybe, I’ll go with Dad.” I whisper quietly into her shoulder and she instantly tenses and backs away to let me go.

“No.” Her voice is hard, unwelcoming to objection.

“What?” My voice cracks without my permission. 

“I said no.” She sternly looks down at me.

“Why not.” I close my eyes to keep the tears in.

“Because you can’t!” She stamps her foot, something she only does when she’s annoyed.

“THAT’S NOT A VALID REASON!”I whine.

“IT’S NOT SAFE!” she retaliates, “HE LEFT US BECAUSE IT ‘WASN’T SAFE!’ That’s what he said. He said he didn’t want to raise a daughter the way he was raised. He said he was leaving to protect us. He said it was better. He said it would be ‘safe.’ He left us, Cassidy. He left ME. I loved him and he left me because it wasn’t safe!”

“Why wasn’t it safe?” I calm down increasingly. She’s finally letting me in on the story of my dad. I desperately need to know this information.

“He was just a coward. He could face anything in the world, but when I called him and told him I was pregnant with you, he hung up. He didn’t want to believe that he would have to be tied down with us forever. He didn’t want you, Cassidy. He didn’t want this. What makes you think he’d take you in now if he didn’t even give you a chance before?” She’s crying now, small tears pooling at the tips of her cheekbones. 

“Mom, I’m sure he still loved you –” I say for lack of better words. Comforting has never really been my specialty. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation right now.” Her voice is sharp, and it cuts my protest like a knife. She must have seen my face when she started to reveal the mystery of my dad. She turns off like this every time. “Cass, baby, if you want to go away for a couple of days to cool down, that’s okay.” She forces a feigned smile at me, but we both know the truth.

I’m not coming back.

Ever.

“Okay.” I say without being able to meet her eyes, but she slips two items into my hands; the cassette tape and money for the road. And I walk out the door – not even bothering to look at her, but feeling as if maybe this was how my Dad left.

I keep walking.