All I want is.......

Letter #9: From Ivan to Alex

Dear Alex,
Hope you are fine and good. I hope everyone else is fine too.
It was very heartbreaking to know that you're leaving for Germany. Alex, I don't want you to leave me. How will I live without you? Do you even have the slightest idea as to what it is for me to stay away from you? It's very easy for you to say that you're leaving but you never thought about me once?.
I feel as if I'm going to lose everything I have. What is greater than having a person who loves you more than anything? The feeling is unexplained forever. Alex, you are the only girl whose image comes floating in front of my eyes when I close them. They say when someone's image comes in front of your closed eyes, they have consumed a large part of your thoughts.
Alex, you know every moment that I spend away from you, seems like a thousand years. However, the thought of having you back soon, having you by my side each day just gives me the energy to work through the time.
You can never know what it was for me when Sam informed me about your illness. I thought, what if you actually die? What am I going to do then? What if you die when I am not even there to hold you for one last time? How would I continue my life without you, Alex? How am I supposed to live my life without you?
I cannot live without you. It doesn't matter if I have to stay with you in Germany. All I want is you. All I want is to be with you, hold you when you fall, wipe your tears off when you cry, make you smile when you're sad, support you when everyone else is against you. You never really cared for me. Because if you had cared about me even a bit you would never leave me. Those who leave never care.
Alex, there are a lot of questions in my mind. Lots of whys. I don't know what to say. Alex, why do you want to leave me? You can tell me the reason and I promise I will do anything you want once you tell me the actual reason. I will not give up so easily. I know that's not the real reason of you leaving me. You cannot leave me like that. You cannot leave me all alone, Alex. Why did you come into my life when you had to leave? Why did you ever accept your love for me if you never loved me?
I have loved you and I will always love you. Love doesn't make us weak. It gives us the courage to do what we have never even thought about doing.
Alex, what if you leave me and live? I mean as the doctors predicted, that you don't have long to live. If you marry someone else, how am I going to bear that? What happens if you're no more there to write to me or talk to me or listen to me?
Alex, I won't be able to live without you. It's very difficult for me to make peace  with this situation. Almost impossible.
I have requested a fortnight's leave from my company. If they grant me then that's fine. But if they don't I am coming back to you either way. Please don't leave till then. I request you. Stay. Not for me but for the love that we shared all these years.

Love you the most, Alex. Take care.
Ivan