Dead Inside

Chapter One Just an ordinary day

I roll out of bed and pull on the horrible beige jeans, sickly green polo shirt, and oversized forest green leavers jumper that are my school uniform making sure the hood is up to hide my tangled black hair. I throw my school bag over my shoulder, put my head phones on and head out the door, pausing only to grab a few dollars from my parent's coin jar. I walk up the street staring at the ground.

When I see the uneven stones that mark the entry to the deli I turn in and shove the door open with my shoulder. I know the bell above the door rings but I can't hear it over Crossfaith blaring through my headphones. I head towards the fridge and grab a coke and a Mars bar. I wordlessly drop the right change on the counter and step back onto the footpath.

I keep my eyes trained on the concrete as it slides by under my feet. Half way to school a second pair of beat up sneakers appear in my field of vision. They keep time with me as we walk side by side.

I open the chocolate and break it in half. I hold half out and a hand reaches out and takes it without uttering a word. As I walk onto school grounds the sneakers veer away and I head towards my home room.

I slide into my chair and grab my sketch book out of my bag. As I flip through the pages each of them bears the same image just drawn slightly differently. I finally reach a blank page and pull a black pen from my pencil case. I pause for a moment before changing the black nib onto a red cartridge. I wonder where on the picture it will change from black to red.

I stare at the page for a moment before zoning in on the top of the page. I start to sketch the curve of the hood, watching the ink appear on the paper as the pen glides over it. I lose myself in the drawing as my hands take over drawing the familiar lines.

I have just started on the cape when I feel a thump on the table. I slide my headphones around my neck. I pull my hood further forward and hunch over my drawing.

The teachers voice drones on as she reads the daily notices and takes attendance. An undercurrent of whispers can be heard the entire time she is talking but she takes no notice. Every now and then I hear a comment or a snicker thrown in my direction. I concentrate on my drawing and the music coming from my headphones and eventually the voices merge into a wordless hum.

Soon the bell goes and I gather my things and flip my headphones back over my ears. As I walk to maths I get bumped from every side. I hurry along with my head down before one particularly hard bump sends me flying into the wall. The back of my head hits the bricks and I crumple to the floor with tears stinging my eyes. I stay where I am for a moment before shaking away the dizziness. I slowly get to my feet and make my way to class.

I am one of the last people to arrive at the class so I keep my head down and try to make my way to the back of the class without anyone seeing me. One of the benefits of looking at the ground all the time is that I manage to see the foot that gets stuck into my path before I trip over it. I halt and just stare at it until it is eventually removed then I continue to make my way to my desk.

I place my bag on the floor, slide my headphones around my neck and pull my maths book and note pad out. I've been busted too many times drawing in class so I can't continue with my picture despite desperately wanting too. Drawing is the only thing that keeps my anxiety at bay. I turn to the current section of the maths book and start to work. Not because I'm a nerd or anything but because I need something to distract me from the voices around me.

The desk jolts as the seat beside me is taken and I hear shuffling as the person sorts themselves out. They have long given up trying to talk to me since I never respond but at least they aren't one of the people not so quietly calling me names.