Dead Inside

Chapter Seventeen You never appreciate

All too soon we are parked out the front of my parents house. It's strange that I don't even think of it as my home any more. My home is at Drews place. That's where I belong. I hesitate for a moment longer. I take one last deep breath and unbuckle my seat belt before pushing the door open. I climb out slowly. I have to force my feet to move towards the house instead of running away. Fear is crowding in around me and I can barely see straight. All I want to do is turn around and never look back, but I know I have to do this or I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I feel a warm hand slide into mine and slowly the fear ebbs. It's not gone completely but I can breathe again. I look up at Max and smile to thank him as I don't trust myself to speak at the moment. I put one foot in front of the other and slowly make my way to the front door. I reach up to knock but my fist freezes in mid air. Max squeezes my hand in reassurance and I finally let my knuckles drop against the wood.

After what feels like an eternity I hear movement inside and my heart drops. A huge part of me was hoping no one was home. The door swings open and Mum is there. Her gaze lands on Max first and a smile starts to form, then her eyes slide across to me and it drops from her face. Her brow creases into a frown and her lips purse in a thin line.

"What are you doing here?" She is obviously trying to hold back because of Max but the venom in her voice is apparent. I shrink away from her but my hand is captive in Max's so I can't run. She steps forward to block the doorway and places her hands on her hips scowling at me.

"Is Dad here? I want to talk to you both. Please. It will only take a minute." My voice comes out in a squeak and lacks any conviction. Mum looks like she's about to slam the door in my face then she flicks a glance at Max and thinks better of it. She steps back and allows us to enter. She closes the door with more force than necessary and the crash resounds through the house. I see Dad poke his head out of his office door down the hall.

"Who was it honey?" His eyes land on me and he steps deliberately into the hallway. "Oh Roxanne. I was so worried. Are you okay?" He rushes towards me but pulls up short when he sees Mum's glare. She waves us towards the lounge. I sit on the couch and Max drops down beside me without letting go of my hand. For that I am grateful because I think if he did I would just run away. Mum sits stiffly in the armchair across from me and Dad stands behind her with his hand on her shoulder.

"I need to tell you a few things and I'd appreciate it if you could let me finish before you say anything." I struggle to hold eye contact with Mum. I need her to listen more than anyone else. I pause for a moment and try to arrange my thought before I start. Max squeezes my hand and I squeeze back to let him know I'm ok. Mums eyes drop to our intertwined hands and her lip curls in a sneer. I can only imagine what's going through her head.

"I never told you the full story of what happened two years ago and I am finally ready to tell you."

"We've already been told-"

"Leah. Please let her speak." Dad squeezes Mums shoulder and she quietens.

"I'm sure the police told you an abbreviated version but it wasn't all of it because I never told them everything."

"What-"

"Leah enough!" Dad cuts Mum off when she interrupts again. I briefly glance at him in thanks but he is looking down at her.

"I didn't just meet Beau and Stacey that night. In fact, I'd been hanging out with them for almost six months by that stage." Mum opens her mouth to protest then snaps it shut again. "They befriended me at a party I went to and I was flattered at the attention from them. We started hanging out all the time. They took me to college parties and we went shopping, to the movies, out to the lake, all sorts of cool things. Then Beau asked me out. I immediately fell under his charm. Every moment I wasn't at school I was with them. I thought he loved me. He even said he did. I was besotted with him. Totally obsessed. I couldn't get enough.