Why? (Jin x Reader)

19

I got my stitches done again and was soon discharged. We had heard that Eunbi was been sentenced to death and it was all over the news. There were constantly journalists asking for interviews, but we refused all of them. We wanted to forget about everything. When I got home, Seokjin was already there. I was about to greet him happily when I spotted a mark on his cheek.

"Seokjin, why do you have a bruise?" I asked worriedly, walking up to him.

"You don't remember?" He said with a small smile as he stood up and gazed down at me.

"... No.."

"You did this." He pointed to the swollen, purple spot on his cheek.

"What?! I did?!"

"You slapped me!" My jaw slowly dropped as realisation hit me.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know I slapped you that hard!"

"You know, I started to feel dizzy when you did that!" He said, laughing. 

"I got worked up! I'm really sorry!"

"It's okay, I kind of deserved it."

"No you didn't! Why would you say that?!" 

"I wasn't thinking straight. You really put me in my place." He averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I was just... Really scared. I'm sorry." He looked up at me, his eyes filled with guilt.

"It's fine, Seokjin. I'm sorry for acting like I did."

"That's not what you should be apologising for." I raised a brow at him in confusion as he crossed his arms over his chest with a serious expression. "You ran, fully aware that you had stitches in your legs. Even after they opened and started bleeding, you didn't do anything."

"You expect me to walk when you're literally about to die?" I asked sassily.

"You can't keep getting hurt like this because of me! If you had just stayed out of the way, you would have been completely fine! Instead, you were shot five times and drowned which sent you into a coma and gave you memory loss! Why do you keep doing this?!" He raised his voice slightly.

"You expect me to let you get hurt like that?!" I felt frustration build up inside me. We had been over this so many times.

"Yes! I do! Just let me get shot-" Tension filled the room as we both gradually raised our voiced more and more.

"I will never do that!"

"At this rate, you're going to get killed!"

"So be it!"

"L/N Y/N!"

"What! What do you want from me?!"

"You've done enough, so just stop!"

"No! If you're going to get hurt then I'm not going to stand back and watch!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" Seokjin shouted in fury, making me flinch slightly in surprise. "YOU'VE GOTTEN SHOT BY SIX BULLETS, YOU WERE DROWNED AND YOU RAN SO FAST THAT YOUR STITCHES OPENED AND YOU LET IT BLEED OUT - ALL BECAUSE OF ME! YOU WERE EVEN IN A COMA AND HAD LOST YOUR MEMORIES!"

"Seok-"

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE?!" His eyes filled with tears as I stood there frozen, my mouth slightly agape. "YOU KEEP PREACHING ABOUT NOT WANTING TO WATCH ME GET HURT, BUT HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WHEN I WATCH YOU BLEED IN FRONT OF ME?! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WHEN I WATCH YOU DROP TO THE FLOOR WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO FALL?! DO YOU HAVE IDEA HOW DEPRESSED I'VE BECOME BECAUSE OF THAT?! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, Y/N!!" He stepped backward and shook his head as tears streamed down his face before spinning around, storming off to the bedroom and slamming the door shut. I stood there, not able to move as his words lingered in my head.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DEPRESSED I'VE BECOME?! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, Y/N!!" My heart sank at his words and I burst into tears. 'It's all my fault... He was going to commit suicide because of me.' My legs grew weak and my knees buckled underneath me. I fell to my knees and let my hands hit the cold tiles. 'I did this to him. I made him severely depressed...' I started to shake. I couldn't take the thought of it all. 'I almost killed him..' I curled up into a ball and pulled at my hair with my shaking hands. My tears dripped onto my legs, eventually drenching my pants as I sobbed into my knees. 'I can't believe what I've done.. I've ruined everything!' I shook my head vigorously, hoping to wake up and find that it was all a nightmare, but nothing happened. "It's all my fault... It's all my fault..." I whispered repeatedly. "What have I done?" I hissed before crying even harder. "What the fuck have I done?" I squeaked weakly. I clutched my restricted chest as I felt a tearing sensation from within me. I felt like my heart was being ripped apart, piece by piece.

I sat there for hours, weeping until I had no more tears to cry. I felt drained and didn't even have the energy to move. I remained there, my fingers entangled in my hair and my tearstained face buried in my knees. Suddenly, I could hear a door open. Seokjin walked out, his eyes swollen and red from crying just like mine. I weakly looked up at him and as soon as I saw his face, I jumped up and ran over to him, jumping into his arms. "I'm so sorry." I whispered shakily as tears threatened to fall again.

"No, I should be the one apologising." He said softly, his voice already breaking. "I don't know why I yelled at you like that." He nuzzled his nose into my shoulder.

"You were right though."

"Y/N..."

"I was selfish and didn't think about how you'd feel... I'm so sorry."

"Don't tell me you're blaming yourself again..." He broke the hug and gripped my shoulders as he gazed at me in concern. "Y/N, please.."

"I..." I hung my head down, letting my hair fall onto my face.

"Please don't do this."

"But it's because of me that.... That you..."

"No, no, no, no, no. You can't blame yourself for that! Look, Eunbi can't come after us anymore so we probably won't ever get into a situation like that again. Okay? None of it's your fault."

"But because of what I did, you became depressed and.." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They rolled down my cheeks.

"No! Argh, what have I done?" He pulled me back into a hug and stroked my head gently. "I'm getting better, okay? I'm fine. It's not your fault and I'm sorry if I made it sound that way. I was just being immature." I cried into his shoulder and held onto him tightly as his fingers brushed through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Y/N! Honestly, I was just being protective. I get like that sometimes."

"You've been seeing the psychologist regularly right?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Mhm." He nodded with a smile as he gazed down at me lovingly.

"You can talk to me at anytime, okay? I'm sorry for arguing with you."

"Don't worry Y/N." He wiped my tears and chuckled slightly. "As long as you're safe and healthy, I'll be happy."

"I love you..." I said softly, smiling slightly.

"I love you too."He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.