Start Over

4 // Everything I Didnt Say

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. "W-what are you talking about ?" His eyes finally connecting with mine. "I'm sorry I should go.." He let go of my face and walked away.. "Ashton. Don't." I pulled him back to me, reconnecting our lips. "Don't go.." It barely came out as a whisper.

I woke up in Ashton's arms. It wasn't like it usually was.. It felt different.. It is something different. The way he held me today, was different than the way he held me yesterday.
***
It's been a week and neither of us have said anything about what happened.. I don't know if that should be a good or bad thing. "Look, Niya, we gotta talk.. Meet me at the spot after school?" I nodded in agreement. It was a hell of a thing to do, but I did it anyways.
**
And finally the day was over. "You wanna go play ball?" "No I gotta meet Ashton.." I started walking away. "Good luck!"
*
"Just sit down please.." And so I did. "Ash.. You're scaring me.." "Just listen please.." Endless amounts of thoughts went through My head. I couldn't concentrate on just one thing. It was everything and nothing all at once. What was he talking about? He loves me..? "I love you too Ash.." "No, Niya.. You don't get it. I love you." He emphasized the "love." "What do you mean..?" "Niya, since the day I met you, I've loved you. Your eyes. Your smile. The way you carry yourself. The way you simply don't care about anything. This is everything I didn't say.." I was speechless.. I couldn't say anything. Before I knew it tears came streaming down my face, followed by Ashton engulfing me in a hug. So this is what's been wrong the whole time? "Why didn't you ever tell me..?" He finally pulled away locking his eyes with mine. "I tried to.. Every chance I got I tried .. But some how it was always back to him.." "I-I'm so sorry.. I didn't know.."
Ashton ~
The only thing I wanted to do was love her the way she deserves to be loved. I want to be able to wake up everyday next to her. I want to be able to lean over and kiss her without anyone getting in the way. "Ashton.. I-i should go.." I began to speak but she cut me off. "I mean- my parents are probably worried."
Niya~
Did I really just walk away from that? God I'm such an idiot. "Niya! Wait up!" I turned around to see Jaylynn. "Hey.. Everything okay?" "Not exactly.." "What's wrong?" I explained everything. From the first kiss, to the last kiss.
"Wait, so what you're saying is- Ashton kissed you, and you kissed him back?" I nodded. "And he told you he's in love with you?" Still agreeing to everything she was saying, I nodded again. "And you walked away from him? Instead of telling him how you feel?!" "Okay.. So I may have.. It just caught me off guard.. I mean, you're my best friend.. And he's your brother.. Wouldn't that be a little weird..?" "If he makes you happy, and you make him happy, that's all that matters. Sure it'll be different, but it wouldn't be weird. I love you both, and just want you happy." "I'll catch up with you later." I ran as fast as I could looking for Ashton, but he was nowhere to be found.
-
"Oh my god. There you are." "You mean, You're not gonna run away again?" "Seriously .. You're still holding onto that..?" "I told you I'm in love with you and you ran off! What am I supposed to do? Laugh it off with you?" "I-I'm sorry Ash.." "Yeah. Well so am I."
Ashton~
I walked off and didn't look back at her. I knew it was a dick move, but what she did .. That was a dick move.
*
"You're an asshole Ashton." "What are you talking about Jaylynn? Go to bed!" "I know what you said to Niya.. That's fucked man.. She went back for you.." "She still ran away when I told her I loved her. Wouldn't you be even a little bit hurt? I mean, it's how you and Coltin were."
Jaylynn~
"He has nothing! I mean absolutely nothing to do with this!" I slammed my door shut. "Here we go again!!" "Shut up Ashton!"
•
"Maybe you should talk to him.. ? Tell him how you feel too.. Even if it's not the same." "I just get scared .. I mean he means everything to me.. And I don't wanna Fuck this up.." "Nothing is gonna make Ashton hate you.. Or love you any less.."
Niya~
This was really happening.. I'm really gonna tell this boy I love him.. "Ashton! Wait up.." "What Niya..?" "Please .." I put my hands on his cheeks. "If it means anything to you.. Even the slightest .. Will you please come over after school.. Just me and you.. No running away.. No fighting.. Just us.." The bell rang as we walked into class. I really want this to work out right. "Niya. Can we talk a' minute?" I knew that voice from anywhere. A voice I never wanted to hear again..