Under the Bridge

chapter forty seven- "just thinking"

LIAM'S ARMS ARE WRAPPED AROUND ME, holding on tightly as I feel the warmth of his skin against mine. The way he touched me just moments ago was so different from any other sort of comfort we've shared before. Heat on heat, lips in places they weren't normally, and hands where every Mississippi sex ed book equated to the devil. 

I didn't have sex with him, or at least, completely. 

When I was finished, he just cuddled up to me and whispered that today was about me and that he wouldn't go any further. I obliged, mostly because I don't know if I can handle a feeling any better than this one today. I think the reality might've been that I didn't have a condom, and he probably didn't carry any in his school bag. 

If he did, I'd probably be a little concerned. 

"I'm going to say something, and you don't have to respond," Liam mumbles into my ear. "It's also cliche as shit, so I'm sorry in advance. And I'm not saying it because of what we did, I just need to get it off my chest." I've never heard him ramble before, even when nervous. The world must be ending. 

"Just tell me what it is, Liam." I exhale, feeling the warmth of his arms tighten around me. 

I can feel his breath dancing against my neck. His chest is moving up and down, softly against my back. "I think I might, I um, I think I love you." 

I close my eyes and cuddle up closer tracing my fingers over the muscles of his arms. "Liam," I whisper. I look at how thin and bare my arms are in comparison to how muscular and hairy his were. He was so much tanner than I was, and his skin was clear unlike the splatter of freckles on mine. 

We are night and day. 

"I love you too, you cliche idiot," I say back. 

His lips graze my shoulder lightly, then softly on my neck. "Is your mom going to be home tonight?" 

I have to think about my response. After a few seconds of recalling schedules, I remember that she is in New York for the weekend. "No." I respond, though it sounds less like a whisper and more like a breath. 

"Let's go on an adventure. Just you and me." 

* * *

The dim lighting of sunset blends effortlessly with the metallic skyline, harsh and man-made versus the soft and natural orange of the sky. The white snow glittered warm colors from the melting sun, and I almost felt the onset of spring in January. 

Phantom Limb by the Shins is ringing through the car, softly playing as I watched Liam's eyes focus on the road ahead of him. It's not the kind of song I expected Liam to listen to, but I'm happy it's on this CD that's playing, because it matches the mood for today. 

It's anticipatory, and exciting, but also full and catchy. It's the kind of song that will probably stick around in my brain and remind me of Liam. 

I could make a playlist of every song that reminded me of Liam, and it would probably be hours long. 

We've been reasonably silent since the whole I-love-you thing, and neither of us have bothered to say it again. Maybe over-saying it will make it lose its meaning, or maybe saying it again will make us regret it. 

I don't know, but then again, I never do. 

"You look like you're over-analyzing something." Liam comments as he stops on a red light, setting his hand on my jean-clad knee and squeezing it. 

Our eyes meet, and I throw him a sheepish smile. "I probably am." I answer. "Where are we going?" 

He shrugs. "Not sure yet. Any ideas?" The grin on his lips manifests, and mine begins to match, crinkling up at my eyes.