Under the Bridge

chapter fifty two-"I just love you a lot"

IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY ANYMORE. It's 1:14 AM, and we're sitting in a diner, drinking milkshakes and waiting for our orders. Liam's arm is strung along the back of the shiny red booth. I'm leaning back on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. He's like a human furnace at this point, since the snow outside and the AC inside make Oregon feel like the North Pole.  

I feel close to him, kind of because we had sex, but also kind of because he and I are cuddling in a completely non-sexual way. Liam places a soft kiss on my forehead, the lingering kind that makes me feel like my body is melting. "I love you." 

"What was that for?" I ask, taking a sip of the frosty strawberry shake. 

"Being cute, being smart, being you, take your pick," Liam grins, moving his arm from the seat to around my shoulders. "I just love you a lot." 

"Have you gone soft on me?" I tease.

Liam rolls his eyes. "Not with these rock hard abs." He answers with a wink. 

I find both a laugh and blush forming, and I can't help but sink more into his chest. "I love you too," I murmur, letting a yawn escape my lips. The alcoholic buzz has been gone for a long time, but I feel high now, like Liam and I have this euphoric closeness now that's better than any drug I've had. 

The waitress comes by with my fries and Liam's pancakes, which look like cardiac arrest on a plate. He seems unfazed. 

"Are we doing something after this?" Liam asks, stealing one of my fries. I slap his hand away, but he still manages to grab it and bring it to his lips. 

I let a breath out through my nose. "Not if you keep eating my food." 

He lets out a loud, booming, laugh. "No, but seriously, are you tired?" 

I bite my lip, looking back at his handsome face for a moment. I'm not exhausted, but I did yawn a little, what's a few more hours when I'm with someone like Liam? "Kind of, but I do want to hang out more," I admit. "It's really late, not many places are open. We can just go back to mine." 

Liam raises his eyebrows. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" 

I shrug. "That's up to you to figure out," I grin, though the hotness in my cheeks burns brighter than it has for most of the night. 

"Again? You're insane." 

"I'm not suggesting anything!" I protest, hitting his chest. He's gotten to me. I can't play suave for very long without feeling like a fraud, even if I'm not a virgin anymore. That's a peculiar thought. A year ago I hadn't even kissed anymore. 

Liam laughs, but then his expression goes still, like he just realized he left the oven on. 

"What is it?" 

"I forgot to give you your birthday gift," he explains. "Sorry, it's in my car, I'll go get it." 

I set a hand on his chest so he can't go."Show me later, don't leave me alone in here," I smile weakly, looking around the diner to notice that I don't know anybody, and that I won't be comfortable by myself at this time of night, regardless of who I'm with. 

He sees the flicker of anxiety across my face and tightens his grip around my waist. "Sorry, I didn't realize--" 

"--It's fine," I say. My mental health doesn't usually act up around him anymore, I'm comfortable beside him, but it's still here, it doesn't just go away because I have a boyfriend. "Just sit here, with me, please," I whisper, mustering up a smile and feeling warm fingers draw a circle under my ribs through the fabric of this tee shirt that belonged to him at one point. He told me once it was thrifted, it's an old Sex Pistols tee that he's left so often that I've started wearing it. 

Liam kisses the top of my cheekbone. "I like you in my clothes," he whispers. 

I smile, genuinely this time, and take a fry. "Good, because I'm going to keep wearing them," I admit. 

A little laugh escapes his lips. "Wouldn't want it any other way. I'll just keep leaving things around your bedroom." 

I roll my eyes. "You already have a drawer." 

He lets out a laugh. "Really?" 

I nod. "Bottom left. There's really nothing in it, you just sometimes leave over stuff so that's where I put it." 

He looks quite proud of himself, as though forgetting socks is something enviable. I laugh at the reaction and finish my fries, so before long, we're back on the road, Liam's hand on my knee and my eyes on him.

When we get to the driveway, he pulls a small, silver, parcel out of the glove compartment and hands it to me. I run my fingers over the shimmering paper and smile up at him. "Liam, what is this?" I ask. 

He nods his head down at the package. "Open it." 

My fingers find the end of the gift and slowly undo the tape, revealing a small, black box on the inside. I look at Liam for a second, drawing my lips together in a soft smile. He motions for me to continue, keeping his expression glued on my face. 

I open the box, and inside, there are two shimmering earrings, simple and silver and exactly the kind of thing I would wear. A silhouette of a book with what look like real diamonds engraved in the earrings. 

"These are amazing," I breathe, brushing my thumb against one of them. "Thank you, Liam." 

A flash of relief washes over his face, enough to make my smile grow to show my teeth. With my free hand, I cup his cheek in my palm, listening to the car radio as it begins to play some acoustic song I don't recognize. I brush my mouth against his, tasting diner food and feeling electricity. 

"You want to go inside?" He asks, slipping his hand into mine and setting it on my lap. 

I nod. "Yeah, do you want to watch a movie?" 

* * * 

L I A M 

Olivia didn't last twenty minutes. With her cheek mushed up against my collarbone, shirt riding up her side, and her hair everywhere, she's fallen asleep on top of me. I pull down the tee so her whole rib cage isn't on display and adjust my arm around her waist. Carefully, I brush my lips against her forehead, then her nose, before pulling the blanket over us and closing my eyes. 

I can feel her heartbeat against mine, smell her perfume and shampoo in the air, and even taste her kisses on my lips, even though she's already crashed in my arms. Our legs are tangled up together, which is going to make waking up a lot harder than I intended. 

A few hours ago, we had sex. 

It's an interesting thought. She's not like me, she hasn't done the things I have, she doesn't have to try to figure out how to incorporate love into something that's always been distanced from that. It wasn't like anything I had before, I wasn't anticipating or thinking about myself or anything. I was thinking about her the whole time. 

I pride myself on probably being better in bed than James Woods, and judging by her reaction, I think I delivered. 

She kissed every tattoo of mine, played with my hair, and drove me insane. If she weren't so tired when we went back inside, I might have implied we do it again. 

"Liam," she murmurs. 

I open my eyes and realize that I still can't see at all.  "Yeah, babe?" I whisper back. 

"I love you." 

I slip the hand around her waist underneath the edge of her shirt so I can run my fingers against the warm skin on her hipbone. "I love you too," I whisper, feeling a tired rasp spread through my voice. 

"Goodnight," her breath dances against my bare chest. 

"Goodnight," my lips touch her forehead again.