Rationmorality

Chapter 1

There came a day when sirens sounded off, with their red lights signaling an emergency. A day when everything was in chaos. A day when everything was over. For this one girl, this girl was, you. You were the player, the main person involved in the plot, the one who is the VIP, that one very important person. All the attention was on you. You were a beautiful girl, one with an amazing personality, one with many talents but you never saw it. You shined even more out of all when you smiled and yet you never saw it.

"Hey, umm...Y/N, I like you, would you want to be my girlfriend..."

Whenever someone liked you or asked you out, they would get embarrassed. Face gets red, lose eye contact and stare at the dirty school floor that had been used for years and probably never cleaned right, body would release sweat, and their voice would get low.

Scared of an answer. Scared of rejection.

You would always think at such moments. The heck are they blind? I'm so stupid, why choose me? Why not choose someone who looks more nice, who looks more sweet?

"Umm- I need to think about it...I'm sorry"

Even though you would say such, you would get uncomfortable, your palms get sweaty, your cheeks heat up, you feel hot, and can't think straight, you feel sad because you know you're going to reject them, but yet you don't want to because it would hurt their feelings. Seeing someone sad due to yourself, would make you feel guilty and you did not want that.

You were that one kid in the corner, who just hated everyone. Not only everyone, but also everything, yet sometimes you would come to truly treasure some things and people. You were that one girl who never spoke, but stood out whenever you did. So quiet, yet so outgoing. One who shrouded themselves underneath their own clothes, piled on top of the other. Wearing jackets, to pants, to long shirts, to scarfs. But still seemed to communicate with others, even if you seemed to be a loner who was into books rather than people. You were seen as lowly, on the very bottom of the social hierarchy at school. Populars to Nerds and Loners. You were on the very bottom of the social mark. Seen as a disgusting, low person since you didn't have anything, you didn't have friends, you didn't care about the way people saw you, you wore whatever you could afford.

"Hey, Y/N, have you ever liked anyone? I mean you're in highschool now, so shouldn't you at least have had a crush before?"

Some acquaintances had asked you some strange questions you always gave the same answer to and you would always think the same thing. Why would I like anyone? They all would just grow tired and leave in the end, they would be suffering with me and my problems- and go farther away because of such- because they couldn't fall for the real me.

"No, I have never set my eyes on anyone."

Whenever you saw people in the hallways walking slowly during lunch to meet up with their friends, as the bell rang for dismissal, you would watch them across your vision and "judge" them.

Two people kissing:

The heck, why? Go get some place where none would see or hear you two making out. I know how much you love your babe but really? Don't you realize that some people don't have their special one yet, don't you realize how loud your guys mouth slobs on each other? Unless you want people to see it, then oh well. But if you don't go some place quiet where people won't judge you guys for kissing and eating each other up like this...

A group of friends being loud:

Umm...You know people can hear what the heck you're saying right? Do you all really seek that much attention, that people would think you're cool and "fun" because of how many friends you have and how outgoing and friendly you are? Or do you just not realize you're pretty loud. Just keep quiet a bit and move faster, you all are slow and blocking my way. I know you want to see your friends and you wanna seem all popular but really? I'm trying to go to places~ if you're blocking my way just because you want to talk then do it some place where there is space. I don't want to get blocked and neither hear your stuff.

The quiet people:

Ohhh.. What the hell- they seem so cute. And small. I don't know what to say, they look so lonely and quiet. Either they are like that because they don't have friends and want to have people to talk to, but they can't since they're out of place. Or they like being lonely and hate dealing with loud conversations, causing them to not care about what people say and just walk away. Although some of them desire friends, the others just don't mind it.

Those who are overconfident:

Well, these people just walk anywhere and talk about themselves and how everything in their life seems good. Honestly, I know you want people to admire you probably because you never felt love before and seem to get some when people call you such intelligent things, but you do realize that talking too much makes people around you start to hate you? Sometimes always being good and talked about isn't good, it causes jealousy and hatred. So quiet down a bit. We all know how smart you are, but clearly, it's too much to say. Unless, you do think too highly of yourself- umm... Good job I guess? But you're kind of being a narcissist. Admire yourself because you're good, but don't go too far of being over-confident and thinking you're good at everything. You'll regret it.

You were the girl who sat in class, did your work, went home and did whatever you wanted. Trying to reach expectations yet desiring a normal life, relaxing, sleeping, showering, living without stress and worry.

Until one moment in history, you began to question humanity, and you began to question morality and its reckless rationals. You began to see change, and how a leaf changes color in the fall from green to dry rusty red, like your own very heart.