Rise Up Women Of God!

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Once our daily routine is done and the kids are in bed. I walk out onto the back porch and take a seat in the comfy sofa and curl my legs underneath my butt. I think back to the scripture that I have read today and I think about Mimi, Martha and the other ladies that have shared their lives. I let myself go to that dark place in my mind and heart. I allow myself to remember how and why I stop believing. I was so young and so naive. I didn't listen and I definitely didn't try. If I am being really honest it's true the decision I have made has led me to where I am.

You know once I asked my mama why God allows so much violence and killings. She replied God has given us free will to make our own decisions. If we want him to be apart of our lives we need to invite him in. Where God resides is peace and unconditional love.

So here goes... Heavenly Father I am so sorry for all the bad things that I have said. I am sorry for blaming you for all my problems. I guess it was just easier to shift the blame. In a way I expected you to step in and help me. I was young and pig headed. I wanted to hate you and I think I did at one point. I am so sorry for making you the bad person. I know now that it was me. My bad decisions that led me down the wrong path. So many people tried to tell me yet I never once listened. I used to love you a long time ago. I used love to write and sing. I used to adore you.

It feels like a life time ago. Can you ever forgive me?

Funny enough I sit there another ten minutes with my heart feeling heavy. I am about to get up when a question pops into my mind... 'Can you forgive yourself?' I don't know, can I? For so long I blamed God. I need to identify with all my mistakes and work through all the emotional baggage.

One week later

"Wow this house is amazing. I can't believe it is yours." I tell Marcia.

"Thanks. I'm curious why can't you believe it's mine?"

"You are so down to earth. You don't act like how rich people do. It's refreshing."

"It's true Marcia when I first came over I almost swallowed my tongue. This is a mansion and its interior is opulent." Cheryl says.

"Well if you have only seen my foyer and lounge I am not sure how you will feel when you see my kitchen."

She was right, we were speechless. The words fabulous, amazing and love float around my mind but no words come out. I absolutely LOVE it. It has everything from its large work spaces to the double ovens to the stove top to the appliances. I feel like I am baker heaven.

The ladies laugh at me because I am standing in the middle of the kitchen with my mouth open.

"Before we start I thought we could have a something to drink and snacks." Marcia says.

We sit at the Kitchen table and enjoy a fresh mango and orange juice with savoury snacks. The snacks are delicious.

"Where did you buy these from? I think I have fallen in love with it." Cheryl says.

"I made them this morning." Marcia replies.

Cheryl and I look at her in astonishment.

"I wish I could make things like this?" Cheryl says.

"It is so easy. I will give you the recipe." Marcia says.

"You guys are so lucky. You can bake and cook and make amazing snacks. I can't even make rice."

We laugh but stop when we realise that Cheryl is serious.

"Oh come on Hun, don't be sad. I have chosen some really easy recipes to share with you guys. I promise you when I am done you will be able to make these in your sleep."