The Journal of a Young Trans Boy

A Slight Rant

Okay, so I already published my part for today, but I just wanted to elaborate as to why my birthday has sucked so harshly. I'll try not to be too negative though. I know it sucks when it just seems like someone is complaining or looking for sympathy. I just need to talk it out and write it down.

So I woke up feeling great. Well, as great as you can when you get up at 5:30AM. I got to school, retook a test that I had failed, and was feeling pretty confident. In fact, I was feeling so good that I think that's the reason I fell so hard. I got my hopes up that the day would be great. I should have known better.

So, I walked to the library, where I usually meet my friends. Well they were all there, hanging out as per usual. Not one of them remembered my birthday, not even my best friend who I've known since before preschool. Of course, I know it was early and we were all still half asleep. I really, honestly do not blame them. Like, at all. But it did sting at the time and I was kind of upset about it.

I brushed it off and didn't mention it to anyone. I figured they would remember on their own and if they didn't, it still wasn't a big enough deal for me to call them out. Then I went to first period and everything was fine until the last, like, ten minutes of class.

My stomach started hurting really bad. Like, that hollow, empty pain that you get when you haven't eaten in a while. I hadn't eaten in a while, so I figured it was hunger. I get that a lot, and it usually passes pretty quickly, so I bit my lip and tried to bear my way through it. Well it only got worse, so I started to formulate my suspicions.

As soon as I got to my next class, I took the bathroom pass and practically ran to the bathroom. I could barely walk at this point since my stomach hurt so bad. Well, in the bathroom, my suspicions were confirmed. Shark week.

I had no pads, no pain medication, and no friends who had any. So I did what any self-respecting teenager would do. I wadded up a bunch of toilet paper and stuffed it in my pants to prevent further accident and walked back to class. I started silently crying in the middle of class and texted my mom ten thousand times trying to get her to bring me some stuff or something.

She would've taken a while, so she texted my cousin to see if she could help. (My cousin works at my school.) Well, I didn't get a reply and my class ended. At this point, my stomach hurt so bad that bile was actually building in the back of my throat and I felt like I was going to vomit.

I walked my way slowly to the nurse's office and she gave me a bad, but they aren't allowed to provide ibuprofen. (Don't ask me why. It's honestly the stupidest rule ever.) Then she called my mom and got my cousin to sign me out so I could drive myself home.

So that sucked, but at least I managed to get home safely, shoved five ibuprofens down my throat, and sleep until 1 in the afternoon. So now my mood is ruined and I still feel like shit.

A few of my friends did end up texting me to say happy birthday later on in the day, and my best friend felt so bad about forgetting that they were ready to walk over to my house at 9:30 at night with cookies to make up for it. I told them it was fine and that I had to leave anyway, but they were very apologetic and I appreciate their concern.

So today sucked. It was even worse because it was my birthday. But I'm not letting that get me down. Not really, anyway. I'm pushing through it because I know tomorrow is a new day.

I know my life doesn't depend on this moment in time. Tomorrow will be different, and I'm too close to surviving it all to start giving up now. I've fought through worse episodes than this, and I don't intend to surrender just yet.

I hope you guys can see that as well. Don't give up the fight. You will make it through even the toughest hurdles as long as you never give up. I'm here for all of you, and my DM's are always open for any who need to talk.

Thank you, and sorry this update was so long and ranty.