So, I was gonna write a journal entry a while ago, but I never did because I've been going through some things. I figured I'd update now to keep the book going.
Anyway, I've been fine, I guess. Just stressed, really.
I don't know why, but I've been falling asleep in class a lot. It makes it kind of hard to do homework because I totally miss whatever lesson I've been taught. I can't talk to my parents either because I'm supposed to be the smart kid so they'd kill me if they knew my grades were dropping.
I've gained a lot of weight since October, as well, and it's kind of been weighing (pun intended) on my conscience. I just already hate my body so much, and the fat collects in such a feminine pattern. I can't even stomach (pun intended again) it to look in the mirror anymore. I avoid looking down at all, really, and I wear the baggiest clothes I own so you can't see the weight gain. I've started buying clothes baggier as well. I even take pictures from angles where you can barely see my stomach, or I hold something to cover it.
I've tried to lose weight, but it doesn't do anything. I've completely cut most sugary drinks out of my diet, and I've never eaten unhealthy foods but I have cut down my portion sizes. I haven't lost any weight. If anything, I've only gained more.
My mom thinks it's a side-effect of the birth control I'm on to slow my monthly menstrual cycle. If so, I'm kind of debating whether the birth control is worth it at all. Either way, I hate myself for something, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sorry this is so pessimistic, guys, but I guess that's just where my head's at lately.
I hope you guys are having a better time than I am. Catch ya later.
YOU ARE READING
The Journal of a Young Trans Boy
RandomI've seen lots of people with things like these, so I figured I would make one too. It seems to help sometimes. I'll include happy events too, though, so this won't just be me complaining about shiz. Just a way to get to know my every day life a bit...
