I sat in my usual spot during third period music, attempting to enjoy it. My hopes were crushed when another mental battle against myself commenced.
You only like it because you think you can sing
Shut the hell up no one asked you asked you a damn thing
I argued with those voices constantly, always wondering why they bother me so much. I don't know how to get rid of them, and thanks to them most of my harms are caused. Sometimes they actually help, hell, they're a really good help they make me feel less lonely. But damn sure less loved.
I waited for people to come into the room. The bell rang, and everyone was settling in. I always sit at the very back, so people won't have to look at me.
"Students settle down and be quiet now. We have a new student today," he said and turned to the averaged-sized, skinny girl who I hadn't noticed before. Kindly, he asked her to introduce herself.
"I'm Alana Richards." She said with a big smile plastered on her face.
"Well Alana welcome, and-" he paused while looking around the classroom.
"Please take a seat next to Miss Johnson," he said and asked me to raise my hand.
I raised it and hoped no one would look at me, but just to my luck they did.
She sat next to me and I got a closer look at her. She had black hair, obviously dyed, it looked kind of dead though. Her eyes were a dark brown but really pretty, and her skin was somewhat tan, just not much.
"What's your name?" she asked and gave me a warm, somewhat welcoming smile.
"K-Kaitlyn." I stuttered, refusing to look at her.
"Well Kaitlyn can I sit with you and your friends at lunch?" she questioned.
What do I tell her?
Ughh, just tell her you don't have any because she'll leave like all the rest
They always do
"Um, I don't have friends." I said, still not looking at her
Her smile was replaced by a blank expression. "What do you mean you don't? I mean, look at your shirt. You obviously have great taste in music." she said.
I glanced down at my old, faded Bring me to the Horizon t-shirt and then looked up to her.
"Look I'm not liked here at all, and I don't want you to be my friend anyways. I'm fine being totally alone. And if you hang out with me you'll have to go through everything that I do," I snapped, beginning to get aggravated.
Wow, I've never talked to anyone like that. Mostly because I'm not good with comebacks and I'm too embarrassed to do shit.
Instead of responding to my snappy remark, she just turned to face the front of the class where Mr. Goodman continued on about what we were to do today.
********
I walked to lunch and sat at my usual spot, by myself. No one sits here besides me, and I don't eat, so most of the time I go to the library.
I watched everyone around me. My eyes stopped as I noticed the large table of popular people and jocks who pointed and laughed, like every other day of my life.
My cheeks were probably bright red from that embarrassment, but it wasn't any different than every other day.
And guess who was there? Well I see Alanna joining them... I knew it I should of seen it coming.
I ran to the library with tearstained cheeks, walking to the very back and sitting in a chair. Pulling out my book that was very good, I began to read from the last place I stopped.
The sound of the door opening caused my head to turn up.
"I saw her walk in here. You saw her too, right Luke?" he asked his friend Luke.
I immediately recognized it.
Calum...
Crawling to the next bookshelf, I bumped my head and a few books fell and hit my head.
"Ow," I quietly whined.
I sat straight and pated my chubby legs. Adjusting my head I noticed some feet. I looked to see who it was. And just as I feared Calum was there with that cute boy Luke.
He smirked and gestured for Luke to get out and of course he did as was told.
The pain from the kicks, punches, and often smacks had caused my body to become accustomed to them. It didn't even hurt as bad as it did when the whole situation began.
*********
I walked home and sat on my bed, sighing. I looked at my old room, deciding to write some song lyrics and poems on the walls. Doing them in sharpie might not have been the smartest decision, but who gives a fuck.
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Soryry it took me so long to edit another chapter but I just got back from Washington D.C. for a family Vacation and I can't sleep so I thought I would. Can you guys check out my new book called Tempest in a Teapot? It was originally a Harry Styles but I think I'm gonna change it to a Niall Horan. Thanks and bye ✌
-instrumentality ✴⭐
