Illumination of the End (Frerard)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Gerard helped Frank start the washing machine, and soon after, Frank's clothes were getting a well needed wash. Gerard led Frank back to his bedroom and he took a seat on the edge of his bed, so Frank sat somewhat near him. He didn't want to freak out Gerard. What if he didn't like Frank the same way that Frank liked Gerard. Frank felt so inferior when he was with him. Everything about Gerard was perfect. He had a family. He had a home. He had people who loved him. None of which Frank had. At least not anymore. Frank turned to look at Gerard. Why did he have to be so completely perfect? Frank searched for a flaw, anything that would lessen these feelings that he was experiencing, but there was nothing. Gerard made a strange face at the sheets of his bed and seemed to be deep in thought. Frank was about to ask if something was wrong, when Gerard shot his head up and locked his gaze to Frank's eyes. He sat frozen there for a moment, as if he was trying to read Frank's mind, but then he finally spoke.

"Frank,do you... have you heard...' he sighed and tried to collect his thoughts. "You know that I'm gay right?" asked Gerard with a shaky voice. Frank had known that Gerard was gay from people at school talking about him. He hated labels though. So what if someone was gay. It was no one's buisness. Then came the question that Frank had been dreading ever since he had his first conversation with Gerard. He had been doing a pretty good job of avoiding the question, but now had come the time for him to answer it. Was Frank gay? He looked up at Gerard and in a split second he made up his mind.

"Yeah, I know," he said trying read Gerard's face for his reaction.

"And you're okay with it?" he questioned, giving Frank a serious look. Frank wanted so badly to tell Gerard how he felt, but what if he didn't feel the same way? A million thoughts raced through Frank's mind as he searched his brain for an appropriate answer, but he found nothing. His eyes darted around the room until they landed on the drawing of his own eyes. Why would Gerard draw him if he didn't at least like Frank a little bit? That drawing had to mean something right? In Frank's mind it did, and so did all the little smiles Gerard had been giving Frank today. Frank didn't exactly plan on the words that were about to come out of his mouth, but they did, and surprisingly he didn't regret them.

"I think I'm gay," he blurted out. There was a silence that followed the sudden statement. Gerard was clearly shocked and a little frown formed across his brow. Frank thought about laughing it off as some sort of joke, but he had said it, and he had meant it. Gerard stared at him for a moment. His hands were balled up in fists and there was a strange look in his eyes.  Frank began to get impatient. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he hate Frank? Did he think I was making fun of him somehow? "Well say something," insisted Frank getting angry. He had just put himself out there. He was vulnerable right now.

Gerard's facial expression turned soft and he gave Frank a sweet smile, but he still didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Instead, he leaned his face closer and closer to Frank's until their lips brushed each others. Frank shuttered at the touch and pressed his mouth down harder on Gerard's. Was this really happening? A few days ago Frank had hated Gerard's guts, but now here he was kissing the guy. His lips were warm and fit perfectly together with Frank's. Gerard slowly pulled away while biting Frank's bottom lip. His lip ring rubbed against Gerard's tooth and made him abruptly let go and back his face away. 

Frank let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, for he was scared to have to face Gerard after that. He had never kissed a guy before, but Gerard had. Gerard was more experienced and older than Frank... "Frank," he breathed. He opened his eyes and saw Gerard grinning at him. "I've wanted you to say that ever since I met you."

"Really?" he asked surprised.

"Mhmm."

"Gerard... I've never felt this way...about a guy before. I don't know what happens, but when I'm with you... I jus- I just don't know..." Frank admitted. He bit his lip and tasted a trace of Gerard on his bottom lip. It send the rush of feeling back to him from when they had kissed and he felt his junk wiggle a little in his jeans. "I just really like you okay?" he declared. Gerard continued to stare at him with a big, dorky grin. Then Gerard closed his eyes while still smiling.

"Please, please don't tell me that this is one big joke, and you really hate me, and you're about to leave because that would break my heart." 

Frank shook his head quickly as if to shake away the thought from the room. Why would Gerard even say something like that? Quite obviously Frank liked him. Maybe he just needed to show him. Show him that he really did like him. A lot. So he reached his hands around to the back side of Gerard's neck and planted kisses up and down his jaw line until Gerard let out a moan and crushed their lips together. Their lips moved slowly at first but then became wet and sloppy. Their tongues twisted and turned together for a few minuted until Gerard had to pull away and take a breath.

"So..." whispered Gerard,"I guess that means you were being serious when you said you liked me. I wasn't just dreaming," he said with a soft giggle.  

"Of course." Gerard looked as if he was about to say something back, but the sound of the front door opening interrupted them. 

"Shit, that's my mom... you can't be here! " he said frantically.

"Wait, what about my clothes in the washer?!" asked Frank.

"I'll give them to you tomorrow at school," promised Gerard. He leaned over to Frank who was already hallway out his bed room window and gave him a quick kiss goodbye. They exchanged smiles and Frank hopped out of the window and stumbled around the house and onto the side walk. He pushed his hands into his pockets and grinned at the thought of Gerard's lips against his. "Did that really just happen?" he asked himself as he walked towards his new home at the cemetery. Frank looked down at what he was wearing. Still Gerard's clothes. They smelled just like him too.

He arrived at the cemetery gate and tossed his almost empty gym bag over before him. He hadn't realized that it was unzipped, and a few things fell out onto the ground. There on the ground, sat the little bag of powder calling out to him. He hadn't done any drugs since he had been on his own.. but seeing that bag just sitting there was tempting. Maybe he would just snort a little... Not too much though, he needed to be able to get to school tomorrow. After climbing over and settling down, he tapped a little bit into his hand and sucked it up, then leaned his head back on the cold marble wall of the mausoleum as his world twisted and turned around him until he lost consciousness and fell into a deep sleep.