I Have Loved You

IHLY 5

Elmo's POV

More than a month after the movie bond namin ni Janella, a lot changed. Mas nalungkot ko. 'Di ko alam ang gagawin ko. 'Di ako makapag-isip ng ayos. 'Di ko alam kung kaya ko pa ba umalis ng bahay. Hindi ko alam...na ganto pala mangyayari ng malaman na ng buong mundo. I'm...broke.

Nagsimula to lahat when I woke up in the evening of October 20, 2016 :

"Siyempre mahirap kasi we have different schedules. He's in a new place with new people and siyempre it's hard to find a common schedule and everything, so we just really both decided to focus on work."

This was what I heard as I went out my bedroom, going to the living room. Familiar yun boses ng nagsasalita. As soon as I got there, I found out na it was Janine. Nakita ko ang mukha ng ex ko. Inamin nya na?

"Siyempre kapag ganito you just want to look back at the good stuff 'di ba? We were together for more than two years and that whole time siyempre that was all support tsaka love and kahit hindi na kami siyempre hindi magbabago lahat ng pinagsamahan namin, so I always wish the best for him."

I became numb at that very moment. Bat ngayon pa? Naman oh! On going pa ang Wansapanataym namin ni Janella! Pero...I think, better na din. Para we're all free na din.

"Elmo?" I didn't notice that my Mom was calling my attention.

"Elmo?" she repeated.

She went beside me and pat my shoulder. Natauhan ako.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I-I-I ju-just...I d-didn't hear you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You, are you okay?"

"Yeah.......no. Not really. It hurts, Mom. I-I don't get it. Why do I have to feel this? Diba okay naman na ako? Matagal-tagal na din kaming tapos pero bakit nasaktan ako? Bat nasasaktan pa din ako? I really don't know what to do," I confessed crying, comforted by my Mom's embrace.

"It's okay, son. It hurt still because you love her. You loved her," she told me caressing my back. "It will heal. She is not just the person meant for you. It's okay to be sad because that's what will you really feel about this situation. It will be selfish if someone tells you not to be. But never forget that you have to move forward, okay? You don't have to be stuck here in your condition. It will also be unfair to the girl waiting for you if you will not come to meet her," she advised me smiling. How can my mother be such best at everything?

"Thanks, Mom. I-I think I have to rest again."

"Sure. Rest well, okay? If you're hungry, just use the intercom so I can send food to you."

"Yes. Thank you."

I headed to my room, lying down. Thinking deeply that nothing appears in my mind. It's blank. All I can see is the ceiling in front of me. How it was so clean and so white before that's now getting darker than light, having little black cracks, getting older. I wonder if I became like that during the times I'm with her. Finally, I have something to think about deeply. I reminisced all I can remember when I was still with her. Ang dry. There were better memories pero I'm feeling the worst. I'm hurting so much that I just decided to call Janella.

Thankfully, she answered it right away.

"Are you alright?" This was what she first uttered. Maybe napanuod nya rin or nalaman nya na din na naamin nya na.

"No"

She was just silent.

"Jea, what am I supposed to feel?"

She was again, silent.

"Jea, is it fine to cry?"

She was just silent, again.

"Jea, will you stand by me?"

She was just again silent.

And at that moment, I know silence was the only thing to keep me comforted. She just wants to listen and never answer those questions. And yes, she did the right thing.

"Moe, I will stand by you. I will be with you, always. Remember you have a friend named Janella. You can call her anytime, you can call it anytime."

"Thank you."

"W-w-welcome"

I heard her sniffed, and also heard her silent sob. Why is she crying? I was about to ask her but just did not continue. I don't want to know yet.

"Bye, Jea. See you soon."

"Soon? Yeah, see you soon!" And that was the end of the call.

Soon. I'll see you soon.