First Shades of Love {WATTYS 2018}

Demons

"Glenn!" I yell back as Trey tries to stay standing.

"Nicole go. I got this. I love you, sis!" Glenn yells at me without breaking eye contact with Rob. The barrel of the gun is still pointed in my brothers face. The fear that runs through you when you are in a life and death situation is enough to chill you to the core. I can see all the memories I have of my brother flash through my mind like a movie. I can feel tears running down my face as I realize there is a real possibility of never seeing my brother again. The late night talks we always had could be taken away. He was always in my corner fighting for me and that one person can be taken away in the blink of an eye. I take my eyes from my brother for possibly the last time. "I love you too," I say in a broken soft voice.

I can hear Nick trying to talk Rob down. Nick that fucking asshole could have helped first instead of jumping my boyfriend. He could have been in my corner. I swear if we all make it out of this alive I am going to beat his ass.

I look around while guiding a blinded Trey through the dark courtyard that only has a couple of lights. When I see someone open their front door, the light that pours out is like a beacon of hope shining on us, guiding us to safety.

"Please help me." I cry out and the lady rushes over to help me walk Trey into her apartment. She takes him straight to her bathroom so we can flush the mace out of his eyes. I wet a washcloth while he struggles to get his contacts out. I'm trying to stay strong but I can't stop the tears from flowing down my face. I don't know if my brother is ok. I didn't hear any shots go off so I know Rob didn't shoot. That gave me a little hope that he's ok. That my stupid decision didn't cost my brother his life.

It took a while to get Trey's eye's flushed. He was crying in pain the whole time. I can only imagine how bad it must hurt for it to bring him to his knees but thankfully it's out and now he's sitting on the toilet with me standing between his legs, cleaning off the blood from his busted eyebrow and lip. I notice how he wouldn't make eye contact with me and I don't blame him. This happened to him cause I thought that my bond with someone would be stronger than any hate they may have for each other. How fucking naive am I?

"Trey I...I'm sorry." I stutter out while applying pressure to the gash on his eyebrow. The tears that have been falling down my face are now pouring down my cheeks freely and I let them. I just want to turn back time to before we opened that door. The look in Trey's eyes breaks me apart. The look of disappointment and mistrust is enough to break my heart in half. "I'm sorry Trey. I truly am. If I would have thought for a second that this could happen then I would have listened to you. I wouldn't have made you go in there."

"I fucking told you, Nicole! I told you it was a bad idea but did you listen? No, you didn't! Not everything can be solved with hugs and fucking rainbows. This kind of perception is going to get you hurt someday. Someday someone is going to take advantage of your kind heart. It will change everything about you. So you need to open your fucking eyes, Nicole. See the world as it is! Not how you want it to be. I love you Niki but you need to be smarter." He yells out with hurt and anger in his voice.

If he only knew exactly what I've gone through in my life he would be grateful for me still seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. Losing your innocence at such a young age by one of the people you trust more than anything in this world is enough to make anyone want to see nothing but the evil in the world. Maybe I do see the evil and I just put up the front that I see the world as what it could be. Five years old is such a young age to have your view of the world tarnished and to become jaded against the world. I can't let the darkness out again. I can't let it take over again. It almost killed me last time. I've been raped, I've been molested, I've been drugged by someone I thought was a friend so her friend could try to have his way with me, I've been beaten by an ex when I was 14 for not sleeping with him, I've been used and lied to. The list goes on and on but those are the things that always stay at the front of my mind and on the tip of my tongue to tell Trey about. That pain and darkness are always knocking at the door on the verge of breaking it down. I try to keep it held inside so tight. No one would ever be able to handle the truth. No one will understand. How can they? So I'll keep this door to my soul locked as tight as I can and the wall around me that keeps me from getting too close to anyone up. It can be lonely but it's safe...