First Shades of Love {WATTYS 2018}

I Hate Everything About You

And just like that all the hope I had was shattered. I was right all along. I am easily discarded. I can't... I can't feel this. It's too much. I can see Dodge talking but I can't hear what he's saying. My vision begins to go black. There is nothing, no sounds, no people, and no pain. Right now I want to stay in the darkness. I want to stay where there is no pain, no lies, and no betrayal.

"Nicole!!" I finally heard a frantic voice. Everything started to come into focus again. There was Ruth and Dodge kneeling next to me. What the hell just happened?

"Nicole are you ok? What happened?" Ruth chimed in, taking my hand. I looked over at Dodge and everything he said came flooding back to me.

"Ruth we need to leave now." I say trying to keep the tears that are burning my eyes at bay.

"Baby please, let me explain. I don't know what you think you heard but please let me explain." Dodge said and I could hear the breaking in his voice and with that even more breaking of my heart.

"Ruth please we need to leave NOW!!!" I started to shout. I sat up and Ruth and Dodge stood up. Dodge reached out for me to take his hand. I fucking know better. I take his hand he'll pull me into a room and try to charm his way out of this. I swatted his hand away and stood up.

"Nicole what happened?" Ruth asked again.

"Are you leaving with me or not?" I ask with my anger starting to come through my voice, getting more pissed off by the second.

"Of course. Let's go." She said grabbing her keys out of her purse.

I walked out knowing Dodge was watching me the whole time. I wanted to flip him off so bad but I refrained. Instead I decided to do something that would piss him off and show how fucking over we are. I saw Mike standing by the door talking to Greg. I grabbed Mike and slammed my lips on his, bringing him into a deep lust filled kiss. After about 15 seconds I pulled back and walked out. I didn't even look back to see the look on his face. I just hope it hurt even if just a little bit.

"So what happened?" Ruth asked for the third time once we got in the car.

"I don't want to talk about it, think about, or feel right now. Can you take me to Rudy's house?" I asked knowing he had exactly what I needed to make this go away.

"Are you Sure? I know you have been fighting that Nicole." She said with some concern in her voice.

"Abso-Fucking-Lutely!" I said pulling the visor down in her car to look in the mirror. I needed to fix the makeup that I know is running all down my face.

~~~

Pulling up to Rudy's house I got out without a second of hesitation. Ruth followed shortly behind me, I'm sure trying to figure out what happened that brought me to this point. As I rang the doorbell, I could hear and feel what Dodge said running through my mind on fucking repeat.

"Hey Nicole, what brings you to my door this late at night?" Rudy asks. He's a short, chubby guy with tan skin, and a shaved head, who is my opinion way to cocky for his own good.

"Look I have $100 and I'm sure you don't want to do this in your doorway. So can we come in?"

He moves out of the way and Ruth and I walk in. His house isn't awful but I have no idea what's been on his couches. I have a hard time sitting knowing my shorts are short enough for my bare skin to touch the fabric.

"Sit and relax while I go get everything. Help yourself to mine while you wait." He says pointing to the tin on the table.

Without any hesitation I grab the tin and open it up. I pull out the mirror first, followed by the razor, straw, and finally the white powder that would make me not feel this. I pour out some of the white powder on the mirror, dip my pinky in it to make sure that it's what it should be. The numbness that hits my tongue confirms that it's cocaine. I start to chop up the rocks making sure that it's all crushed. I start making lines, two for me, and two for Ruth. I grab the straw, put it up one side of my nostril and using my finger to plug to other one up. Went I bent down and put the straw at the bottom of one of the lines, I hesitated for a second. Dodge's words started to play in my head again and just like that I was snorting the line through the straw. I quickly switched sides and snorted the other line up.