The Things That Happen In The Night - Wolfstar

Chapter Thirteen: Answers aren't Always Found in Books

"Sirius! What's wrong? Why're you crying," Remus rose his voice, trying to get an answer from me. I hugged Remus back and buried my face into his chest. Something was telling me to run away but something else was pulling me towards Remus. I clutched the back of Remus' shirt as I tried to calm down and think of something to say. The truth was not an option. So instead of the truth, I told Remus what I had planned not to tell him.

"Marlene and I broke up." It was a part of the truth, just not the whole truth. It was the only explanation about why I would be crying that I could think of. Remus hugged me tighter," oh, Sirius. I'm so sorry." I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked out the corner of my eye to see Lily. "I'm sorry Sirius." I could see in her eyes that she actually cared. Remus and Lily were the two people who told me that I wasn't good for Marlene yet I knew they felt sorry for me and they cared.

"What's different about this time Sirius?" Remus asked gently,"you've broken up before. Do you not think you'll get back together." I shook my head as I took in deep breaths, inhaling the smell of Remus' cologne. "No, were done. You guys were right."

Lily and Remus stayed silent after that and Remus just continued to hug me and rub his hands up and down my back. Lily left after a couple minutes and I was left alone with Remus. I had stopped crying but I still didn't let go of Remus' shirt. I heard people coming down the corridor and Remus pulled away while saying,"let's find somewhere else." He started walking away and I hesitantly followed him, completely embarrassed by my crying and by being unable to control my emotions. It's just Remus, the same old Remus I've been friends with since first year, why am I so worked up about this?

Remus and I end up outside in the courtyard and Remus takes a seat on a bench. I sit next to him as far away as I can. "Sirius? Can I ask you something?" I nod my head, not looking up at him. My eyes were still bound to be red and I didn't want Remus to see me like this. "Are you scared of me?" I finally look up at him, completely surprised. "Why would I be scared of you?" This had taken a different turn than I had thought. "Well, after what happened Friday night you haven't been the same around me and I just thought maybe you finally saw me for what I was. I just want to let you know that if you're scared of me that's okay and I understand. Just let me know."

"What?! No! Remus, I'm not scared of you. What happened on Friday wasn't your fault," I sat in a hurried voice. As much as I wanted to have some reason for feeling and acting weird around Remus I knew this wasn't the reason. And I couldn't let Remus think this was the reason either. Remus looked surprised and asked,"then what's gotten into you?" I shrug my shoulders looking at my shoes," I don't know."

"Sirius, you know you can tell me anything," Remus continued trying to get an answer out of me. I shook my head and stood up," I'll be fine." And with that I walked away. The feeling in my stomach slowly went away as I made my way back to the common room.

~*~

A week later I was sitting in a corner of the library. I had spent that entire week avoiding both Marlene and Remus. Marlene had spent most of the week apologizing and asking to get back together. Usually I would forgive her and things would go back to normal but I had enough on my mind without her adding to it. Remus, on the other hand, was getting suspicious about my behavior. During the past week I haven't been able to control my emotions and I'm pretty sure I know why.  The way I had seen Remus had changed. I no longer looked at him as just my friend but as something more.

So here I am, sitting in a corner of the library, hiding from my ex girlfriend and one of my best friends looking through a large pile of books. None had been helpful so far in trying to find my answer. I threw book after book aside in my attempt to ease my mind. I groaned in frustration, pulling at my long hair. I heard a voice speak up?"Sirius?" I looked up and desperately tried to hide the books. Lily was standing a few feet away carrying a pile of books. "What are you doing here?" I gaped at her trying to come up with some excuse. I did look quite suspicious as I was sitting on the floor in a hidden corner surrounded by books. The library wasn't exactly the place I would come, especially just for fun. "I..uh... just needed to work on homework." I lied horribly.

Lily eyed me suspiciously," yeah right, anyway Remus is looking for you. I'll tell him you're here." Lily started to walk away. "Wait! Don't tell him!" I said before I realized this would just increase her suspicion. Lily turned to look at me. I sighed and decided to tell her the truth. "I just...I'm kinda hiding from him right now." Lily looked confused,"why?"

"I just am. Please don't tell him I'm here," I said as I piled the books into stacks around me. "You've been acting strange lately, the boys have noticed it too. What going on with you?" Lily asked curiously. I sigh and feel a strange urge to tell her the truth. I usually don't hide my problems, especially not from the boys. But with this problem I don't feel like I can talk to Remus about it or any of the other boys as it would surely get back to Remus. "Can you keep a secret? I don't want any of the boys to know." I say quietly. Lily nods her head and sits next to me on the floor.

I look down at the books by my feet. Each and every one of them is about relationships, but none of them are about gay relationships. "I think I have a crush on Remus."