Justification | Deetranada AU

cogency

Seventeen Weeks Post

(Jermaine POV)

Jermaine nervously watches his mother flips through the printed out pages. She seems emotionless as she quickly scans them, no movement in her face as she reads each subject line. When she reaches the final one, she straightens the stack, placing them back in front of Jermaine. 'What am I supposed to do with this?' she questions.

Jermaine sighs, looking down at the stack of e-mails requesting Dee to perform at varying venues. He passes another piece of paper to her, one that he hopes will sway her. 'It's from Dr. Cole. When I picked her up, she gave me this and said she was happy with everything so far,' he explains, watching her read the letter.

''While she still suffers from anxiety and episodes of self-doubt and depreciation, Diamond has progressed along a normal spectrum within these past four months',' she reads before sliding the paper back to him. 'So she still not better,' she says rhetorically, shaking her head.

'No, Ma,' he replies. 'She is.' 'That's not what the paper says Jermaine,' she says, pointing angrily to it. Come on, ma. 'That's exactly what it does say, she's getting better, you can see it.' He sits forward, leaning on the table as he continues. 'She hasn't had any outbursts, she's not in her room by herself all the time, she eats, she sleeps.'

She remains expressionless for a moment as Jermaine watches, minutes away from pleading. 'Even with everything goin' on, she's been writing, she's been putting stuff out. Don't keep this from her.' He sighs when she makes no response, still unwilling to change her mind. Begging it is.

'Ma, this is her outlet, you know it is,' he begins. 'It's always been. Keeping her from it is only gonna make it worse.' And you know I'm right. 'So I'm just supposed to let her go right back, hope it helps this time? Hope that nothing happens?' she retorts angrily.

'You didn't get a damn blade thrown at you, Jermaine,' she explains. 'You weren't there when she walked up on that damn stage, got embarrassed by that triflin' lor girl and cut her damn self. What kind of mother would I be to sit and let the shit happen again? You want me to just sit and wait for it to happen again?'

Her final words sputter as she tries to recover quickly, wiping away a few fast tears. 'I am not gonna lose my baby to somethin' else, especially when I know she's not ready,' she declares. 'But how do you know, ma? Have you even talked to her?' he exclaims.

'Have you?' she demands. 'I have,' he says confidently. 'And you know what happened when I told her people still want her? She lit up, ma. She needs this.' His mother shakes her head, wiping away a few more tears as she stands to walk away.

Jermaine follows, still speaking, 'The more you keep her from it, the more she's gonna resent you.' She stops, tapping her foot as she turns around. 'She might be mad now but she'll thank me when she's better and on a big stage, celebrating and happy for real.'

'She might not get that chance if you keep doin' this,' he replies weakly. 'This is her time, no matter what else is going' on, this is hers. Just give her a chance to prove it.' He watches her avert her gaze, her tears falling faster, fighting to stay in control of her emotions. 'I can't do this again, Jay, I can't,' she whispers.

He approaches her, hugging her as she tries not to sob. 'You won't, ma,' he says softly. 'I promise, I'll be right there the whole time.' She steps back, wiping her face and quickly putting on her standard happy facade. 'I'm trustin' you Jay, don't make me regret it.' He nods, accepting his responsibility. 'I won't, ma.'