Justification | Deetranada AU

guise

The next day at school, JI finds himself late to every period, walking with Jae to ensure her safety and comfort between classes. Fortunately and unfortunately for them both, their next class was together. With Roscoe. 

He keeps them near the back in a corner away from everyone else and they talk in hushed tones, his worry obvious as he questions her pain and emotional despair levels. She brushes them off and seems to show signs of being okay but he is hesitant to believe her. Especially when Roscoe walks in, a determined look on his face as he beelines to the two.

It isn't hard for JI to react, to defend Jae from Roscoe's fiery attempts to speak to her in spite of the bruises she hid from the rest of the room. But JI saw them and he knew the pain his once friend had bestowed upon her and he refused to let it happen again. 

The two argue relentlessly, Roscoe's initial focus of Jae turning to jealousy and anger at JI's continued defense. Was there something else there? How did she get back close with JI so fast after what he did to Nova? Did he miss something? Was she out with him while he was out with Peach?

Roscoe's accusations don't upset Jae, they enrage her. To accuse her of being the snake he is, to creep around with his friend as if she had no respect for herself or their relationship? I mean sure, JI had been there for her lately but it wasn't because they were messing around, he was actually being a friend, something she hadn't had in a while with everyone dealing with Dee and Nova's foolishness. And sure, it would be nice to have someone like JI there to help deal with and protect her, comfort her-- but that's not the point. She was hurting because of Roscoe and rather than acknowledge that, he bombarded and embarrassed her with cheap shots and piss poor accusations that attempted to make her feel less than.

Finally, as though the entertainment value was gone now that Roscoe and JI were nose to nose and ready to fight for Jae's honor in some weird sense, someone breaks the two apart and pushes Roscoe out of class. 

Jae breathes silently, hoping to ease her heaving chest and speeding heart before the whispers began and made it worse. But she couldn't hear them, not because of her internal organs refusing to slow down, but because of JI's calm and easy words slowing down her breathing, easing her heart rate and reassuring her that he would be here to protect her. Always.

Her eyes travel to the door, watching Roscoe huff as he stares her down. She has to be imagining when she sees a flicker of hurt in his eyes, knowing it was more about JI's arm around her shoulder than knowing he lost someone he was supposed to love. But if it wasn't... She shakes her head, knowing better than to sell herself on foolish lies, the lies that bruised her the second time. And third. And fourth. And fifth...

Dee finds herself enjoying therapy for once. She talks profusely about Jae and Roscoe and the fiasco that her friend group found themselves in because of his infidelity. She's sure to mention how Peach missed out on the thorough ass beating she deserved and how she still isn't sure things are settled between everyone. But she's willing to play along for now to protect Jae, it was the least she could do after all she did to help her after Nova.

And while her therapist is happy with her opening up about something other than her own drama for once, she questions, why this topic? They hadn't spoken since her trip to Little Rock and her being a great friend, while commendable, wasn't going to negate them talking about her challenge. She needed to know how to move forward in order to give her the best treatment.

Dee doesn't want to talk about it, knowing there are so many errors in her ways the entire trip. She knew it, she didn't need it confirmed and she definitely didn't want to hear more about her lack of willpower. So though she isn't 100% honesty about their time together, she made sure to note that she held her boundaries. Majority of the time. 

She admits that they've talked since then, mostly about how their days have been. The few times he brought up Little Rock, she immediately changed topics or stopped responding, hoping to end all conversation about her weak moments. And of course, he flirted, made sly comments and tried to get her to join in with his antics but she always ignored it, not wanting to go back down that road. 

But ignoring it wasn't working. It wasn't stopping it. They both knew it and her therapist was sure to point it out. And as much as Dee insists that she isn't going back to that, their friendship is possible with guidelines and restrictions, that discussion hasn't been had. Just a simple, "Don't kiss me, we're just friends," could only hold for so long until friends became questioned and kisses became the norm. Again.

A question startles her, one she knew she had no real answer to. What were Nova's intentions? He seemed to be okay with her saying just friends but was he? Her answer doesn't make sense, more of her word vomit and external dialogue trying to make sense of his asking and his kissing her. He kissed her, she didn't initiate it but she did kiss back and she did like it and oh fuck, did she just say that aloud?

Her therapist isn't disappointed, knowing things like this happen more often than not. She's a tad disappointed in her not wanting to tell her but she understands, knowing Dee's proclivity to blame herself once approached with a mistake she was prepared to avoid. But she's not perfect and that was something she wished she could get used to in moments like this.

Rather than harp on the kiss, her therapist focuses on what to do next time something like this happens. What are the boundaries she needs to set and how can she set them clearly and firmly without making herself uncomfortable? Her mind immediately goes to his reaction, would he be angry, upset, something more than that? But she stops it soon after, knowing that isn't important. She wants to be comfortable, she wants to be able to stop whatever comes that isn't what she wants. But what the hell does she even want?

It was a lot, which is why she didn't want to talk about it this session, or ever. But she knew her therapist was right, she needed to figure out her boundaries, her wants, her needs and what the hell was happening with them. What would happen if things felt the same, the good times were more than not so distant memories and the moments that solidified her love happened again? What if he didn't want the same thing as her? If he wanted more? Demanded more? 

Asking was just the beginning and she realized how prepared she needed to be. It wasn't ideal, to have to ask your ex what they wanted when you knew exactly what they wanted or at least thought you did. It was frustrating, unnerving and a tad bit scary but it had to be done. Maybe not tonight or next week but at some point.

As she leaves therapy, she gets a phone call that makes her groan. It's him, naturally. She tries to find the words as she gets into Black's car, turning down the music to answer. She listens as he makes his case for her coming over, being sure to include their lack of real time together since Little Rock.

Nova tries not to frown when she says she's busy and isn't up for hanging but with him. Curious, he wants t ask why but doesn't, instead asking again, making sure to tell her he wanted to talk about their potential friendship and there wasn't any place better than in person. It slipped out, but he missed their friendship and now she knew.

He hears her silent for a moment before she sighs, saying yes. Not right now but sooner rather than later. He smiles as the call ends, excited that his plan is starting to work.

But with time, all he could do was wait. Hands on his head, mind bored, he knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to see her. Marissa, that is.

So he did.

Rather than their usual sexual fun, they smoked, watched bad movies on Hulu and enjoyed one another's company. And though Dee filled his mind, he was content, moments like these ones he looked forward to.

It isn't long before they doze off, awoken by the buzzing of his phone. It's Dee, she's ready. He quickly put himself together and gets ready to leave. He offers a half-assed excuse, ready to start his second chance, not caring about Marissa's complaining. He looks away from her pouting, knowing he'll make it up to her later tonight.

*

Bee

Finale coming next!