Maybe it's you, maybe it's me || Markjin

Chapter 4

//this is the edited ver. I am sure there are still mistakes in grammar and spelling. but thank you for reading.// 

Jackson's POV

It is Saturday morning, 1 pm. And I am standing in front of the door step of the room 103. Well I have been standing here for almost one hour already but I still couldn't find a courage to knock a door or leave there like a coward.

God dammit. I shouldn't be here. He wouldn't like it.

Yea, Jinyoung would not want to see me. I am not sure if he is inside. But one thing I am sure is that he does not want to see me standing here when he opens the door or when he come back from outside.

He hates me already. Well, he should hate me because I left him.

I did leave him because I felt like I don't deserve him anymore. What he gives is much bigger and too much for me when I can't give him anything back. I didn't treat him right while I should have.

I thought it was a burden to receive his love when I cannot love him more. But leaving him broken is also a burden, the much burden that wraps around my neck telling me to go back to Jinyoung every night.

I felt like a careless painter to his masterpiece or the reckless gardener who accidentally cut the flower he likes the most in his garden.

I know it's late. Of course, one year is just too late to turn everything back.But I'll try. I will try to win Jinyoung back...because he is the grace to my misery.

Yes, everything is going to be fine. I breathe in and out before I knock the door to see if someone's inside. If the person who opens the door is Jaebum, not Jinyoung, then I am sure I will be in the unnecessary fight. I know Jaebum is playing the big brother role...but I don't care anymore. I am going to knock the door.

My hand was almost hit the door when someone opens it from the inside. And it reveals that brown hair and almond eyes.

Jinyoung.

For the moment, I feel so happy and at the same time I feel so terrible to show up like this. My eyes shift from head to toe. He looks good. Very fine. And if I am not wrong, he grows a bit taller. His eyes look the same but they seem brighter.

I lost my words seeing him there. I have already prepared for this moment but my heart skips faster than I thought it would be. And also, I feel my heart sinks when his bright eyes go dark. His face turns cold and he turned around closing the door. No...no, please don't go.I hold the door so strong that he couldn't close.

I come here for you Jinyoung. Please...

I wanted to speak out loud but I don't want to cause any drama to his perfect day.

"Why are you here?" he asked. That voice... damn that's the voice that I miss for a year. But I thought it was softer in the past. I am pretty sure he does not want to see me or talk to me. His eyes are on the floor staring into nothing. He does look sad. And I am the cause of it.

I don't know if I could ever forgive myself.

"I'm sorry." That's all I can say... that is all that came out from me. but I couldn't have time to apologize or to tell him that I miss him so much or I didn't have the time to tell him that I was very wrong because his phone rang. I don't know who is calling him. But I just hope that it is not his boyfriend.

No. It can't be his boyfriend. Maybe I am prepared for all the words that he is going to say but not the fact that he has a boyfriend. I read his face but I can't...anymore. All I know is he asked the person on the other line to come to him as soon as he can.

I asked him if that is his boyfriend when he hang up the phone. I wish it is not.

Please...

"Yes."

'Yes' he said. And everything goes blur.Of course, he got a boyfriend. Of course, what are you expecting Jackson? He got a boyfriend after you left him. Of course. I feel so stupid to think that he would come back to him after several months passed.

Well, what can I say? I am the one who started all this. I should have loved him more. I should have treated him better. And I shouldn't have left.

But no, I would let this happen again. I won't be the careless gardener again. I need another chance.

I will try. Maybe not today...maybe tomorrow. But I will try to win Jinyoung back. I can't lose him twice.

I watched him walked away from me to the elevator. But yes, this would be the last scene that I watched him walking away. I won't let him go next time.

I will not be the careless painter or the reckless gardener again.

Mark's POV

So, I parked my car at the parking lots in front of the dorm that Jinyoung lives. I know that my car is damaged all over the surface and I am sure the security guard keeps watching me. He must think I am a criminal or something but I mean, do I even look like a criminal?

So, I just smile at the guard and stand beside the car door. I can even feel a bunch of students passing by me, looking at me and my car. Oh, how nice, some girls even laughed at my damaged Ferrari. Well of course, who wouldn't look at me, the principal's son, come to the school dorm with the crashed Ferrari?

But yes, this is all for Jinyoung. Yep. I come here to pick Jinyoung up because he told me to do so. Oh god... how lucky am I to pick Jinyoung up? Some people would think Jinyoung is lucky to get picked up by me. But they are wrong... I mean, who wouldn't feel lucky if they get someone like Jinyoung? The flawless angel.

So, I waited for like 15 minutes and there he is. Him with a white t-shirt, blue jeans, brown hair with pouted lips. I waved at him but he didn't even smile at me. It's okay as soon as he is the one to ask me to come here.

I was folding my arms and leaning back to the car door but he does not even act like I am here. I was about to open the door for him but he just helps himself in.

Okay...something's off.

Is it because he is shy? But it doesn't seem like it. or is it because he is in bad mood? Wait what? Why is he in the bad mood? I feel so worried thinking about him feeling not okay.

I go inside the driver seat and glance at him to see his face.

"Jinyoungie!" I said smiling at him. He did not even look at me when he gets into the car. I definitely feel something is not right.

Even though he tries to cover his brown eyes with the hair bangs. I can see his sad eyes. Why is he so sad?

"Do you want to listen some music?" I asked again. But he does not even say a word. I am sure he was so lost in his thought and I want to know why. I have never seen him like this before.

"Jinyoungie, I have to go to car service center first. Is that okay?" I asked looking at him. I watched as his lips separate just to say "yes." Then he keeps looking at the street again.

I don't know whether I should turn on the music or not. And I am worried that our music taste might be different because most of the songs I have are hip-hop and rock. But I am sure he is the type of person who will listen to chill music on sunny day and sad songs on rainy day while reading books.

So, I just let him be in his thoughts. Of course, I don't know what makes him sad right now but if I know the reason later, whether that is a person or a thing, I won't let them go easily.