Maybe it's you, maybe it's me || Markjin

Chapter 5

//The edited ver...but there are still mistakes.//

Jinyoung's POV

Mark and I am now at the side of the river, doing nothing and just sitting. Mark is someone who is very talkative and will always talk none sense when it comes to make me laugh. But now, he, too, is silent and does not talk. I know it is because I look sad so he try to stay quiet. 

That's good because I don't want to talk right now.

I know that I should not use Mark to get away my anxiety which is freshly caused by Jackson. But it turned out that way.

And to come and think of Jackson, he just shouldn't come back like this at my door step after leaving me for about a year. 

I still remember how he gave me stupid blames and how he would come to me and told me to break up whenever he is drunk. But in the morning, he would crawl up to me and said sorry.

I used to think those sorry-s and I-love-you-s were true and real. But I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about him. I was wrong about his "I will be there.". I was wrong about "I won't leave you." "I miss you." "I love you." I was wrong about his eyes, his kisses, hugs, morning coffees from him and goodnight texts.

The pieces of my broken heart were more than his stupid kisses. Tears caused by him were more than hugs. Scars given were more than morning coffees. The nights I have to tug in the cold blankets were more than the time he sings me to sleep.

I have promised myself that not even in my second life I would never let him break my heart again. I don't know why he come back but I am sure I won't let him in again.

And Mark.

Shit... Mark. I used him. I would never do it to someone just for my own happiness.

I shouldn't escape to him when he is not even my home. I feel terrible but without being noticed, we are here sitting on grass and he is staring at me. I can see him at the corner of my eyes.

This is going to a long day. 

"What? Is there something on my face?" I said, without looking at him. His shakes his head as he put his face on the palm.

"No, I am just thinking." He said and suddenly he lies himself on the grass, placing the back of his head on the left palm. He does look like he is thinking something. I really wonder what he thinks about this.

"What?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"What are you thinking?" I asked again and he slowly turned his head to my side.

"I am just thinking why you are sad." He answered and that makes me laugh for some reasons. Mark, thinking why I am sad, makes me laugh. Why is he thinking something that he does not have a clue about? Mark saw me last three or four months ago. All he knows is I love drawing and I am the class president. Maybe he knows some of my friends and my grades but not my past. He does not know how my heart was broken and how I tried so hard to heal it back.

He does not know that there was Jackson.

"So, why do you think I am sad?" I asked and to admit, it is the first time I get amused by what he told me.

"I don't know." He said scratching his head.

"Oh but I am sure I can make you laugh." He said confidently. Of course, he always tries to make me laugh. I just smiled and nodded at his statement. Today must be the very first day that I smiled at him.

"I hope you can." I said hoping he could really make me smile so that I can escape from Jackson from a while.

"What? You don't believe me?" Mark said as he stands up on the grass and started to do the grab dance. I would laugh out loud if Yugyeom or Bambam do it instead of Mark, but now, that reddish-brown hair guy is doing the grab dance at the side of the river and it is not very funny.

"Why? It is not funny?" he said whining abit.

"Well, I was literally amazed that Mark Tuan, the stylish and cool boy of the school, does that dance in front of me." I said. I saw he blinks for like three times and his eyes spark suddenly followed by a bright smile showing his pearl white teeth. That must be the smile that every girl in the school falls for.

"Did you just call me stylish and cool?" he asked. And for that, I don't even have the answer. I was frozen and even shocked that I called him stylish and cool.

I called him that?

Right, I called him stylish and cool.

"no...I was just saying." I said as I tried to get up. I might be crazy to call him those things. I mentally cursed myself when I heard him laugh. 

"Alright... at least you don't look sad." He said as he tilted his head to my side to see me. And that only makes me realize he is wearing lens. I don't know what lens color he wore in the past. But today, it is grey and I have to say it suits him. It is not like I care but it does look good on him.

I let him stare into my eyes. And I am even surprised that I didn't move a bit. I would normally shout him out of his face but today might be quite special. I just let him stare and in fact, I was also staring right into his eyes... lens! Yep, why would I stares at his eyes, right? His lens is pretty so I am staring at them. Just lens...just, lens.

While I was busy debating inside my head, I saw the red hair coming closer to me. His scent of perfume is getting stronger and I widen my eyes upon the tiny distance he created between his face and mine. What is he doing?

"M...mark?" I cursed myself under the breath for shuttering and I did blame my heart for beating fucking fast. It should not be beating...not for Mark Tuan. Nope. Not a chance. He hummed as his eyes wonder at my lips and his stupid long nose touches mine.

That is, it. I pushed him harder enough and get up from the grass filed.

"What the hell, Tuan!" I placed my hand on his shirt collar, and drag him closer enough to see his stupid long lashes and his shocking grey eyes.

I was so close to punch the hell out of him. Very close... but then, I really don't want to get noticed by the whole school for punching the popular guy of the school. And plus, his father is my principal.

I let him go and walk out of the stupid field where I stupidly thought Mark is good.

Good, my ass.

I heard him calling my name. But I didn't look back at him.

Because I don't have to. I clearly don't need to look back at him. Oh god, this is all my fucking fault. I thought he could pass a day without trying to do this kind of things.

I guess I was wrong. At the end of the day, the person to blame is neither Mark nor Jackson. It is just me for letting Jackson talk to me and for letting Mark close to me.