Maybe it's you, maybe it's me || Markjin

Chapter 18

//I am having the writer's block and this is the stupidest shit I have written so far. Oh my god. But I tried my best for you guys.//

"Who's Jackson to you-"

"-I love you."

They said it at the same time.

And that was when Jinyoung knows why the smile from Mark seems different.

Mark knows about Jackson.

They keep silent for a few minutes not knowing what to say. The sudden confession from Jinyoung and Mark asking about Jackson are two different things but somehow both of them hurts.

Mark should be happy, obviously, because his boyfriend said he loves him. It's what he wants to hear for past a few months actually, long before they started dating. And here he is, standing at the traffic light, holding Jinyoung's hand and listening the very words that he wanted to hear.

But then, he found himself does not know what to do.

And Jinyoung does not fail to notice that the grip of Mark's hand get loosen.

He asked about Jackson. Doesn't that mean that Mark knows about how Jinyoung lies to his friends? Then how is he going to explain? It should be simple. He should just tell him the truth like Jackson and Jaebum are enemy and that he lied because he does not want Jackson to get near him again.

But these are just some excuses made to cover up his feelings. Last two months ago, Jinyoung used Mark so that his ex will not come back to him again. He did it for himself. Oh god. If this is a movie, then it would be a stupid melodrama that no one wants to watch because Jinyoung such a stupid, terrible main lead. Their love story does not even make sense. But hopefully this movie should have happy ending. Well, Jinyoung will do anything get happy ending. He has to, because after spending the whole night thinking about Jackson's question, he found the answer that he loves Mark. So, whatever he did in the past, he should make it right now because he can't lose Mark. No, he just can't.

As much as he would like to explain, his thought has been flying to all over the places and he couldn't find a word to proceed. And so, does Mark. Thus, the rest ten minutes has filled with silence that both of them never had in the past. This silence sucks as hell. It is pretty sure that the pedestrians on this busy street might think they are idiots for not crossing the road when the light is green. Some even watches them with weird look because they are standing beside the traffic sign watching it going green from red, then back to green.

It is the third time the light turned into green but this time, Mark tightens his loosen fingers around Jinyoung's again and walks across the street. And suddenly, Jinyoung feels somewhat relieved. Maybe Mark will listen to him, right?

They crossed the street and walked slowly back to Jinyoung's dorm. It's quiet. None of them speaks. But Jinyoung knows he has to. He must. So, he speaks before he stops in front of his dorm.

"Mark-" Jinyoung said. but then no word comes out after he called his name. Should he say that he is sorry or tell him that he used his name, basically used Mark? And it hurts. Jinyoung feels so terrible to be like this, to his boyfriend. All he could do is blaming himself, that's it.

"Jinyoung." before Jinyoung could continue, Mark calls him and draws a circle with his thumb on the back of Jinyoung's hand. Or it could be just the younger's imagination because Mark likes to do that a lot. Definitely, who would want to comfort someone as awful as Jinyoung?

"Tell me about Jackson."

There it is. He asked. And Jinyoung does not have answer. Last night, he thought it would be easy to tell everything to Mark but guess, reality is hard.