Maybe it's you, maybe it's me || Markjin

Chapter 16

//Hi, this is double update. So don't forget to check, Chapter 15 if you haven't yet.//

"Let's get back together Jinyoung ah." Jackson said breaking the silence that has been going on for a few minutes. The younger is not comfortable with having a conversation with him in the café. Of course, it is uncomfortable for him to sit with his ex-lover who broke up with him in the café. It is such a familiar atmosphere yet a completely different one.

"What?"

"I still loved you."

"Stop."

"I mean it."

"Stop!" Jinyoung raised his voice a little, frowning and getting confused about how Jackson could say that easily as if he wasn't the one who walked away?

"I am already seeing som-"

"-Mark, isn't it?" Jackson said calmly, looking like he already knows about Mark. Oh of course, it is Jackson he is talking about. He was such a social-butterfly and maybe he still is.

"Yes, it's Mark and I am datin-"

"No, you are not." For the second time, Jackson cut him off again.

"What?"

"I know you are not dating him. I know you are doing this because you don't want me to come back again. I know, Jinyoung. But I changed. I regret that I left you and I still miss you." Jackson said it with the eyes that Jinyoung used to love. Oh, of course, it is the same look in his eyes. Jinyoung used to believe him when he said things would be alright with those eyes but not anymore. It's not like he is still an innocent teenager who is blinded by the stupid thing called first love or it's not like he hasn't found something real. It's not like he hasn't found Mark, yet.

"Jackson, don't do this. I don't love you anymore."

"No, please let me show you, Jinyoung. I can show you that you still have feelings for me otherwise, you wouldn't pretend to date Mark."

"Excuse me, what?" Jinyoung would be lying if hearing Jackson's words does not shock him. He has no idea what the other is talking about. And he really wants to know how Jackson found out about him pretending to date Mark last two months ago. Okay, maybe he pretended but he is not, right now and oh god, Jinyoung blames himself for making things complicated.

"How did you- Jackson, look it is not because of you. I am dating with him because I wanted to. It does not concern with you or anyone."

"You also lied to your friend." Jackson said, looking right into Jinyoung's eyes as if he is telling the younger that he could expose those things to everyone. And he looks like he will. Why is Jackson doing this? Jinyoung hated the fact that he still couldn't find a word to say back. It was the same when they were in relationship. His tongue just tied there and watched how the other would blame him as the one to make mistakes. After a year later, after their breakup, after becoming the strangers, he still found himself searching for a comeback but he couldn't.

"Jinyoung, please think about it. Why would you date someone that you don't like? Jooheon told me that you never like Mark."

"Jooheon?" Jinyoung is confused to hear the name of his team member in one of his project. Jackson knows Jooheon? Oh okay, so, it makes sense. Jooheon does not know that Mark and Jinyoung are actually dating now. No one knows it, except the two of them exactly because everyone knows they started dating since last two months ago and some of them did get confused since Jinyoung never showed his interest to Mark. It makes sense now, about why Jackson think that way.

"Jackson, look. I didn't know he is your friend but listen, I dated Mark because I wanted and I am pretty sure you have no right to tell me what to do because we have already broken up, Jackson. You left me. Remember, that evening, in the café?" Jinyoung didn't want to bring that up but he unexpectedly did and he can see Jackson's face runs in blue. It can still bring the blue out of Jinyoung whenever he thinks about it but who said he can't paint other color over it? It is already in the past and he has moved on.

"I-I am sorry, Jinyoung. I will take all the blames for what I did but please, give me one chance. Let me show you that I am different now and please, you don't even love Mark."

"Who said I don't love Mark?"

"Then do you?" Jackson asked and now, Jinyoung found himself losing words again. What?Mark is his boyfriend. Did Jinyoung say he loves Mark? Has he ever said that? Jinyoung goes back to the memory since they started dating. Okay, he said he likes Mark, that night in the park, under the lamppost, he said he liked Mark and Mark establish their relationship official. And...and, there must be times that he said he likes him. It can't be just one time. Jinyoung is so confused of whether he said he likes him or not when they were talking about their future, or when they meet after school or when Mark swept him off his feet and kissed him. He felt like he did because he remembers himself thinking that maybe he liked Mark abit more than necessary.

But after the memories end, all he realized is that he didn't say it.

"Do you love him, Jinyoung?" Jackson asked again, sounding much confident.

Do I love him?

Love.

Oh, what a painful word. Jinyoung has never used that word since his heart was broken and the last time he said 'I love you' was last summer before Jackson broken him into pieces.

"Think about it Jinyoung. You are hesitating because you are not sure about it. You don't love him, Jinyoung. I can prove it and I will try my best to get your love back no matter what." that's what Jackson said before he left the café leaving Jinyoung lost in his thoughts.

--

So, it is Sunday, a cold Sunday night. Jinyoung is supposed to be on the phone with Mark. he promised the older the midnight call. He is supposed to talk about their movie date on coming weekend. He is supposed to tell him not to give him surprise kisses anymore, although he likes them. He is supposed to tell him that he wants to grab burger and fries and chill at night. And he is supposed to answer the call from Mark who has been calling him for about fifth time already.

But at the end he didn't pick it up because he couldn't. And Jinyoung hates himself for being like this when the reason was because he met Jackson this afternoon and things are not as fine as they were since then.