Castle On A Hill

Chapter 4

chapter 4

[natsu is 14 zeref is 21]

natsu's pov

zeref and mavis are still living with me and the others. i have to share the room with august who is four. because we have no room in the house. zeref and mavis are still trying to find a house to live in so it's all a bit cramped still. mom and dad don't mind because they pay bills and their own food so nothings wrong.

i walk downstairs and see august watching a kiddie show so i guess boys tv is out of the subject.

'Hey' i said and zeref and mavis turned their heads on the couch and they looked at me strange becasue of my voice.

'voice breaking honey?' Mavis asked and i nodded and they bothe chuckled.

'yeah' i chuckled back and zeref just quielty laughed sitting how a real man would. leaning back and his right foot resting on his left thigh, his arms flexed behind his head, he looked so relaxed but so irritated due to whats on tv.

'DADDY LOOK AT TV, BARNEY!' August cheered and mavis giggled.

'yeh, barney, go dance along to it' Zeref said very over dramatically and August laughed watching the tv. dancing along to the purple dinosaur.

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Zerefs pov

as the hours past i sit on the dining table late at night crying my eyes out because i just don't feel happy anymore at all, i thought i was but i really am not happy.

i get up and go outside to have a joint because i feel so stressed out right now. it's raining very heavily and i just stare at it whilst smoking.

'hey Zeref' one of our neigbours opposite said, what is he doing up this late.

'hi mr, Justine' his son is around the same age as Natsu, he goes to a privet school, and by privet school i mean rehab. i feel someone tap my shoulder and as i turn i see Natsu.

'hey little bro'

'hey' he said.

'Hello natsu'

'Hey mr Justine' natsu said and he looked at my tin which had my weed in there and i chuckled as Mr Justine was gone now. i get out a rizla and hand it to him.

'come on man, cobra rolls mine'

'jesus, i need to teach you how to roll rizla, it aint hard' i moaned with a chuckle after and natsu chcukled too. he watched and observed me as i rolled his joint.

'cheerz' natsu lit his joint and we both inhaled and exhaled until it is at the roache.

'come on you, get ta bed'

'what about you?'

'i;m 21 man, and i have a day off tomorrow, go on, bed' i laughed lightly and natsu chuckled.

'kay, night' natsu gently nudged my shoulder and as he left i sighed rubbing my eyes.

'oh lord what am i going to do' not that he'll care about me, i broke the laws of the bible, i drink, i smoke, i'm in a violent gang, well used to be. why am i suddenly like this, why arn't i happy?, i have everything, i have, a wife, a family, a child, a brother who i can actually talk to but i just feel like he's too young to understand my problems. urgh...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!

i walk upstairs and walk to mom and dads room. i know he is a dick but if i talk to mom, who knows what she'll do or say.

i shook my dad on his arm so he would wake up. 'Zeref, you stink of weed' i love how his eyes are still closed. 'whats wrong, you last woke me up was when you were 6?'

'can we talk dad' he pulled a serious face and got up. we walked downstairs in the livingroom and it was very awkward because we have been sitting there for fifteen minutes in silence.

'some talk' we both chuckled when dad said that and i just couldn't look him in the eye. 'what's wrong son?' i took a deep breath and sighed.

'dad, i'm not happy and i just need someone to talk to'

'whats made you sad Zeref'

'life' my dad pulled a serious face and sighed.

'what in life?, Son you need to explain' i don't know why i cried but maybe it's just the emotions getting to me.

'i'm just jealous how Mavis handles August so much better than me, you and mom argue most of the time now and natsu...i feel like i ruined his life'

'how have you runied his life' oh shit i forgot he doesn't know about Natsu.

'i just feel like he'll grow up like me and August, he said he wants to be just like his dad and i just can't do it anymore, i'm a shit person, i don't deserve this life'

'well Zeref, thats called reality. you WERE a shit person, your a better one now, me and your mother are so proud on how you have stopped what you have gone through, apart from smoking weed still but who cares about that, that won't kill ya, Zeref, august doesn't want to be the old you, he wants to be the new you, and i believe the same for your brother' dad explained and i just carried on crying. i never knew he would be this supporting.

'i just don't know what to do?'

'well Zeref, just think about your thoughts clearly, i mean it sounded like you want to commit suicide' thats when it was all silent and my dad had his eyes closed and he had his thin lips curled in with his right hand on his chin as if he was angry but calm at the same time. 'thats why you wanted to talk to me wasn't it' i nodded and my dad just scoffed in an annoyed tone and i knew he was going to burst.

'dad i-'

'are you an idiot. why do you want to die you fool!, you have a wife, a kid, parents who love you, fed you, gave you a roof over your head and clothes on your back with food on your plate, a brother who thinks the world to you...and what do you want to do, THROW IT ALL AWAY!' my dad yelled the last bit and i just cried. 'Zeref you better think carefully on what you are about to do because you only live once' my dad stormed off and back to his room making me sit there alone in the silence whilst i get my thoughts in place.....